Okay so this LP is starting to get progressively less fun with every chapter, and sadly most of it isn’t even the hack. But more inside!
Here we are back again tell a friend
Alright so the chapter opens and we get our regular dose of shitty narration plot dumps.
Someone’s fucked with the palettes because I didn’t even know these units are enemies until I started playing the chapter lul.
Doga, Ephraim255, Hans and DankLute talk a bit.
Hey that’s not nice to Ephraim225. I’m sure he’s very beautiful inside
So apparently there’s this one tribe and another tribe and they’re fighting and we’re gonna ally themselves with one of them because the other is already trying to attack us because they’re cunts. The only thing you really need to know from that is that Blademaster’s god-tier creativity is in full gear again.
Although to be fair, animals for nomad tribe names aren’t too bad. Of course, that still means they could be better.
In either case we switch over to NotRath and NotSue who is apparently this hack’s Lucius or something because his/her/its name is fucking Kaze.
One of the graphicors should get on this.
So after that we see the boss for a bit and it’s prep time! This is also an appropriate point for an extra special “go fuck yourself with a rusty spork” to whichever cheeky cunt who decided to grey out the map sprites for your own units. That was incredibly fun to play with, and by incredibly fun I mean on about the same level of fun as dancing the Macarena on top burning coals whilst repeatedly firing a staple gun into my anus.
Oh and someone made Virgo super OP so there’s that. I guess there goes not messing with the gameplay.
Sure why not.
Errrrm… Are you okay Ephraim?
Yeah, for one you look way hotter than before.
okay okay I’ll show myself out.
oh btw spoilers for fe4 i guess o o p s.
Story of my life tbh.
Zigludo runs forward to get in on some of this action but I forgot he sucks.
And with levels like these he’s probably going to remain sucking. Too many BBQs in his lifetime, I’d wager.
And he’s dead!
Time to start again!
This time I just let Doggo handle everything because none of the rangers can even hurt him.
Because this hack is so amazingly designed, IS’ tent spawns basically on the other side of the map and within immediate range of a trooper. So essentially no matter what happens the tent is doomed to die on turn 1 unless you get insanely lucky.
Fucking bravo, Blademaster.
Our greenies and the enemies on the bottom side near where IS’ tent was duke it out. Most of the greenies have shit for hit rates because Blademaster gave them Silver Blades so they’ll probably get rolfstomped.
The one Brave Bow guy is awesome though.
We kill a bunch more people and try to handle the mess of Troopers to the right.
Barry and Dangelo are both doing pretty well on this map. They can basically ORKO all of the enemies and soon each of them pulls out a level. Barry’s is crap whilst Dangelo’s is decent.
Oh and whilst we’re at it, I take a look at the NotRath and NotSue that joined in as greenies too. I would talk to them with Zigludo but currently he’s being carted around by Doggo so that he doesn’t die again.
They’re both pretty average, honestly. Even with the mangled and abused abortion that Corrupt Theocracy tries to pass off as game balance they could probably see some use. If I were to pick one I’d go for Wraith mainly because his stats are better balanced.
I’m still not quite sure whether Kaze is legit supposed to be a guy or whether Blademaster got stoned again and didn’t realize that it’s a guy’s name. This time I’m thoroughly hoping its’ the former.
So the greenies valiantly hold off the enemies and this awesome chick dodges like 3 times in a row.
Unfortunately our own chick(???) on a horse isn’t as awesome and she gets wrecked.
It’s my first and I don’t really feel like resetting so although the dick only makes it better I’m going to have to carry on and-
Alright, so after that little episode I actually decided to prep properly this time. Both Dangelo and Barry got bows and since the enemy troopers on the topside only carried bows this should make things a bit easier. And it does!
This is the map after the first enemy turn. Much better!
We got a bunch of decent levels on Dangelo and an okay Barry level out of that.
IS bites the dust again and Zigludo, who didn’t need to be rescue-hidden away from the troopers, talks to Kaze.
Watch out Zigludo, it’s a trap!
Anyway since we’re the nice guys we tell the bootleg ninja on a horse that we’ll help her/him/it.
She then goes off to recruit her bro.
Too late, nothing will bring back the time I wasted on this hack.
I turned off animations for a good part of this run because the phases take way too long as it is, especially the enemy ones. All you need to know is that Barry and Dangelo kill everyone whilst soaking all the hits thanks to their HP bars ranging from here to Miami.
Some more awesome levels are gained from Dangelo. I’m starting to warm up to this guy.
Barry on the other hand dissapoints me harder than I dissapoint my parents (mostly by playing shit like this instead of doing useful things).
If you’re wondering what everyone else is doing during this entire sequence, they’re essentially running it down the left side of the map because I don’t trust them to not get murdered.
Sylvia gets a level from dancing everyone, and it’s pretty meh. She doesn’t need strength as a dancer anyway.
Doggo continues causing terror with his Boltinghawk and nets himself a level. Sure it’s only two stats but speed on a General is pretty hype.
Meanwhile I get a bit careless and our most loyal comrade pays the highest price.
Rip Bowen, I will seize the means of production every Tuesday in your honour.
Oh and by the way if you’re wondering why I’m so hesitant to restart this map - Not only is this a fog rain map meaning reduced sight and movement (Hello repeat of chapter that I had two turns ago how is it that I always get these gems am I lucky or what?), there’s also the cancer fucking player unit palette swap coupled with the fact that automatic turn ending is broken so I need to manually check whether someone hasn’t missed a turn.
Alternate timeline again because I have too many of these to not share them.
The boss has kind of been busy massacring the greenies on the bottom side, who actually did a bit better this time - they got lucky with theit hits and mostly kept up toe to toe with the enemies. But now we’re closing the gap to him and Doggo gets in a Boltinghawk hit. That’ll teach the filthy imposter to try to impersonate Lord Doggo himself.
We romp around some more and Doggo rightfully takes the finishing blow against the discount Doggo. This was also the Boltinghawk’s last use before it broke. Rip in rip buddy, you served us better than Bowen did.
I mean, if you’re going to pick one stat…
Meanwhile thanks to the fucked tileset I didn’t notice there was a random house in the middle of the map until I accidentally visited it with wraith.
cool story kiddo
Anyway he gives us an Ocean Seal which is weird because I’m pretty sure houses were mostly for tips/worldbuilding but whatever this is CT it does whatever the fuck it wants.
At this point I’d also like to mention that despite me complaining about gameplay hacks I actually ended up using this broken Virgo with her stupid sword pretty heavily and you’ll see why.
But in the meantime, have another sweet Dangelo level. This guy’s popping off hard.
So as I whisk Zigludo away with Wraith and try to approach the temple that I’m supposed to Sieze (game’s wording, not mine), the game starts routinely spawning 2-3 troopers right close. I can’t even kill them fast enough because they all have longbows so I have to rely on Player Phase, and this is with me abusing the OP Virgo sword every damn turn. What this essentially boiled down to was me not being able to get Zigludo to the sieze point because he would need a turn after being dropped off and I knew for SURE he wouldn’t survive. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh.
(Btw if you’re wondering, the temple is that green snot in the bottom right corney. It’s a bit brighter than the vomit surrounding it. Thank whoever fucked with the palettes.)
So We just sit here and kill some troopers. Honestly besides from the fact that they spawn faster than I can kill them the troopers are not really all that threatening. They pull out 5-9 damage or so on Barry and Dangelo who have 60+ Health Bars, not to mention that they can’t touch Doggo at all. If this was FE7 Which I guess it kinda is but sssh I would love the free XP but FE7 was actually a good game. In a way, this hack is like a festering disease plaguing FE7 and turning it into an imbalanced horror with shit writing. It’s almost poetic.
Barry and Doggo net some levels. Barry gets 5 stats across three levels and three of those are, ironically, Luck.
Doggo isn’t much better, but he’s adorable so he gets forgiven.
Anyway at some point the reinforcements FINALLY stop fucking spawning and I can sieze with Zigludo.
The one thing I see this hack doing a lot is opening a chapter with a bunch of people and closing it with a completely different random bunch of people. I won’t pretend to have actually followed the plot-line at all but it is a little bit weird. Almost makes things feel a little disconnected from each other.
So Lank, NotFir those name I fucking forgot, Hans and Mary Sue Whitehead Before Robin Made it Cool (fite me RD fans) talk a bunch. Apparently we’re going to a guild to recruit Donateenariers, which is something I can get behind. Everyone could do with some donations in their lives.
Oh and apparently Not Fir’s dad is a part of the Donate 5. DAE Hextator’s grand return to FEU???
Anyway we close the chapter on this note from Micaiah.
really fucking bad at designing games yes Micaiah I know, but I bet Blademaster’s a pretty chill dude in real life so don’t judge.