FEU VS Corrupt Theocracy


#42

Can I start with a small rant, it shouldn’t have taken this long to play this map, but classes, extremely bad allergies, and a shitty internet connection were insistent on me not playing this map, or at least not getting this post up. Still, it’s here now, and I got things to talk about.

FE10 flashbacks

Okay then…

gotta go fest

Over 25 is rather ancient for hedgehogs

I’m not sorry

WE MUST END THE WAS!!!

This screenshot perfectly sums up this LP

It took THIRTY GD SECONDS to load up the enemy units on the map

Presenting Sonic the OC and Micky Stu

There’s at least 6 game dev sins in this one line alone

Totes a worthwhile investment

Fairly certain he’s married

This is certainly a map

WAT

This one Enemy Phase prompted this part’s entire fucking title

Oh sorry, I got so bored, I started playing Sonic hacks instead

Whoops

ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME! WHY IS SYLVIA A LORD?!

Let’s try this again

Sorry, I got bored again

Rip IS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Translation, Fuck it, she dead

Also, FUCK THESE DEATHAWKS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I have to do the whole damn thing again because LP rules

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GDI

FUCK THIS SHIT, I’M CHEATING

The power of salt compels me

Also, FUCK the track “Inescapable Fate”

Actually surprised this isn’t 1-2 range

Boss.png

And Glitchyjoe died to poison

Map won, FUCK you Blademaster

I’ll just leave ya with this final note


#43


#44

In the wise words of :zigludo:, you dastard.


#45

when do we get custom emotes on FEU


#46

something something jattwood


#47
do you remember the episode/chapter number? I sure don't

r u a wizard?

oh boy, here come the Mega Man names (I know Chaud just means Hot, but there are more characters sharing names to the point that it isn’t a co-incidence)!
“Requiem” (the sad Ninian theme) is playing in this scene with brigand screams as the only instrument, btw. I thought you should know.

“Do you know where the location of the Berserk staff is?”
“Yes, it’s being kept in the same bordello where Lord Chaud is being held captive.”

a solid ten or so seconds of enemies loading later…

>Gay fools

today’s xXx_crew_XxX

(balance is restored)

???

Also, this guy joined us right after the prep screen. meh

another frickin’ “Route” ch oh boy

I won’t regret this, right?

first blood

let’s do this

zing ZANG ZING (Light Brand is such garbage :sob: )

ah, ProStrats. I’ve missed you

Froid is so cool, he breaks the laws of axe physics! SEE WHAT I DID THAR HREEHREEHREE

we’re going A L L I N, boys

4real tho hav u ever dodged lightning irl

oh…

fu…

HA!

This sage just moved right next to me and didn’t attack, but I can’t blame her for not being able to bring herself to kill Dogger tbh

… oh.

#RiVeRsTrAtS

BAYUM

:sob:

(I danced her)

bolting sword is actually pretty cool ngl

protip: if an animation cuts the music and you can’t insert a new one to fix it, maybe don’t use that animation

OH HOLY DONBETTYR WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!?!?!

it’s k they all just have staffs
also, I missed out not bringing a thief. OH WELL

#PROPACIFISTSTRATS #$$$$$$$$$$$$ #666
… but now I can use these guys as experience fodder for the unpromoted units on our team.

a rare magic sword crit! Savour that sight, for it is fleeting

Training session initiated!

GASP! One of them is armed! I didn’t see their brilliant plan coming all along…!


The ride never ends!

Leveling her up is the main reason I went about defeating that blob o’ sages so inefficiently.

ʬ8ʬ creative character yo

Hey, those mages appearing in the top-right at some point is actually a good way to take advantage of the fog.

… and they’re got LIGHT MAGIC! OH NO!

cool palette, but weak boss

“why did she babble random words when I killed her?”

sorry magelolis :cry:

Zigludo brings the grinding to a grinding (teehee) halt with a crit…

…and a very Zigludo level-up.

Every single one of those magic users attacked Virgo at close range because of their sage buddy blocking the 2-range spot. Brilliant!

was it worth it? You be the judge

rEbbECA is both an actual monster and a crit monster!

Winning Road! But there’s something else to do first…








#TRADESTRATS #notforthefaintofheart

… what? well okay then I guess she’s a sage
(the whitescreen was the promotion lightning flashing)

AAAWWW HELL.

not that ambushforcements even matter at this point

VROOM VROOM

spreading out to put a stop to the ambush shenanigans

AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWW HELL.

A million magewaifus can’t stop one pegawaifu. Blademaster must’ve failed Waifu Math

This might’ve mattered if it had happened previously… maybe? Eh.

Dogger finally chokes that druid to death.

ooooo!


Sylvia: “You know… Every time I see you, your breasts always stay the same size. Why is that?”
Sal: “… How come every time I see you, your mind is in the gutter…” [leaves]
Sylvia: “Sal, wait! You didn’t answer the question!”

You may have failed Waifu Math, but straight A++++++++++++++++++s in writing!

IT KEEPS HAPPENING

oh shit

FUCK SHE’S GONNA DIE



… and then Rebecca critted every single one of those enemies in retaliation while managing to survive, ensuring that I can end the chapter this turn.

new waifu??? :eyes:


The Gay Army is UNSTOPPABLE!

oh okay all of the morphs are music

So, one of the changes I made to the rom was making steel weapons (including thunder) give +5 def and silver weapons (including fimbulvetr) give +5 res. I thought this might be a fun change to the game, but it ended up making this chapter, which might have otherwise been mildly annoying with all of those mages, too easy (they would still only do chip damage to masked waifu, but the sheer quantity makes me think that they still might have been able to do her in). I apologise for giving myself such an advantage, but I underestimated CT’s ability to toss gigantic blobs of the same type of unit at the player (I had no idea that the chapter’s enemies would consist literally entirely of magic users)… and honestly, our dudes are getting so OP that it wouldn’t be that much harder without the bonuses anyway. I changed them to +2 instead of +5.


#48
hell

look at this map

jesus christ. i tried to trivialize it the regular way but i realized i have better things to do with my time and found this mysterious item on the ground

i then rescued sigurd and flew all the way over to the goal
here are the important highlights

random warp on the ground.

NPCs bit the dust

the eventer didn’t create a check to prevent the enemies from getting items so this dude found a Rescue

i slaughtered the boss.

And at the end of it all, Virgo was level 20.
cool.


#49

Wait was that sword actually there? I feel like you hacked it in xP


#50
surprise cameo because fuck this lp at this point

i see emojis, im hating this already

oh btw serlis just appeared out of thin air, he didnt appear from the bottom like everyone else loaded, then the rest of the enemies loaded slowly

anyway, story noone gives a shit about

rumor come out: does zigludo is ciraxis? nah, fuck that, we have doggo, speaking of doggo hes not present in this cutscene



plot twist: zigludo is just high on heaven crack, thinking that deirdre is a green-haired dragon with big tits, and seliph it trying to contact him by staring at the lake after killing arvis

i mean… right now its 1:15 in the morning as im writing this, is it anything special, might i ask?

anyway apparently NotPent and NotLouise are saved by the Gays lead by Zigludo.


hi there ephraim225

dont blame me on this one, jarkymoe i didnt do jackshit

spoilers: its ambush spawns because fuck you

OH ITS MAYA IF THIS MAP WASNT SHIT ID USE THE SHIT OUT OF HER (fun fact: phoenix wright’s name in japanese is a refference to a dragon… is she riding phoenix? :thinking:)

i was thinking of doing a warp-skip but then i remembered the staves are broken, thanks

am i? (also the reginleif cant be used even though its a sword)

THIS MAP IS SHIT, you only get to fight mages in this map, most of the shamen have eclipse tomes (which arent even eclipse tomes in this game, they work like bolting, worst of all, zigludo gets 2-shot, i had to restart twice for him and once for Боуэн)
Anyway, here’s some incrimination on smilies for changing lasagna’s mug

That’s the entire support.

seliph gets his final level
http://i.imgur.com/2WuVjR4.png
(also morbidly close to my seliph)

then Боуэн missed a 79%, thanks

wait WHAT, for a second i thought i could attack the whore tent, then i realized a druid was there, great map design, blademaster!

did i forget to say this map contains SIX FUCKING ECLIPSE TOMES READY TO RAPE ZIGLUDO

Restart. New level on Seliph.

Боуэн still sucks

at this point i realized luna tomes arent actually luna tomes

anyway have a preview of siege tomes that has 25 uses in a game without weight

Боуэн being cool for once

NotSophia being RNG-fucked like a normal Sophia

and then other phase happens, boy it sure is long

so i’ve got a question to you why the fuck did you not take their weapons

restarted again, Боуэн died, also he has no death quote

this is fine

rEbbEcCa getting a decent level

oh, by the way, every other chest has an elysian whip/guiding ring

these mages have stupid stats

i have excepted my fate as well, tune, it’s okay

NOW ACCEPT YOUR FATE

no death quote


she was lucky as all hell

AMBUSHES ONONONONONONONONO
GUESS WHAT, THE MAGES HAVE 1-3 RANGE TOMES AND INSANELY HIGH STATS

IS faces the consequences

and flo promotes

NotSophia gets everything but speed

and these fuckers are still annoying

seriously, jesus christ
then i seize the throne after getting the extra whips and rings

the sad part is, if we even got to use the berserk staff, we couldnt because the game breaks


o?

zigludo just went to talk to the seliph from the real world


k

lonk, your facial expression is perfection

so, after zigludo went to talk to seliph, he realized he took too much whiskey and blacked out, now the two waifus are waiting until he awakes

no, demons

oh shit guess who it is


sylvia tries spanish punctuation and fails



how come youve never met zigludo

you too, tiki

one drunk zigludo and 2 whores, but of course!



PLOT TWIST






Damn you, IS!

All hail the waifu etc etc

zigludo doesnt want to remember it





then the chapter ends, fuck you.


#51

I don’t remember being asked for permission to use Maya’s face, nor does my artist.
Who took it without permission?

Problem solved.


#52

Okay so this LP is starting to get progressively less fun with every chapter, and sadly most of it isn’t even the hack. But more inside!

Here we are back again tell a friend

Alright so the chapter opens and we get our regular dose of shitty narration plot dumps.

Someone’s fucked with the palettes because I didn’t even know these units are enemies until I started playing the chapter lul.

Doga, Ephraim255, Hans and DankLute talk a bit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hi5jjXTPtyY

Hey that’s not nice to Ephraim225. I’m sure he’s very beautiful inside

So apparently there’s this one tribe and another tribe and they’re fighting and we’re gonna ally themselves with one of them because the other is already trying to attack us because they’re cunts. The only thing you really need to know from that is that Blademaster’s god-tier creativity is in full gear again.

Although to be fair, animals for nomad tribe names aren’t too bad. Of course, that still means they could be better.

In either case we switch over to NotRath and NotSue who is apparently this hack’s Lucius or something because his/her/its name is fucking Kaze.

One of the graphicors should get on this.

So after that we see the boss for a bit and it’s prep time! This is also an appropriate point for an extra special “go fuck yourself with a rusty spork” to whichever cheeky cunt who decided to grey out the map sprites for your own units. That was incredibly fun to play with, and by incredibly fun I mean on about the same level of fun as dancing the Macarena on top burning coals whilst repeatedly firing a staple gun into my anus.

Oh and someone made Virgo super OP so there’s that. I guess there goes not messing with the gameplay.

Sure why not.

Errrrm… Are you okay Ephraim?

Yeah, for one you look way hotter than before.

ha
ha
ha

okay okay I’ll show myself out.

oh btw spoilers for fe4 i guess o o p s.

Story of my life tbh.

Zigludo runs forward to get in on some of this action but I forgot he sucks.

And with levels like these he’s probably going to remain sucking. Too many BBQs in his lifetime, I’d wager.

And he’s dead!

Time to start again!

This time I just let Doggo handle everything because none of the rangers can even hurt him.

Because this hack is so amazingly designed, IS’ tent spawns basically on the other side of the map and within immediate range of a trooper. So essentially no matter what happens the tent is doomed to die on turn 1 unless you get insanely lucky.

Fucking bravo, Blademaster.

Our greenies and the enemies on the bottom side near where IS’ tent was duke it out. Most of the greenies have shit for hit rates because Blademaster gave them Silver Blades so they’ll probably get rolfstomped.

The one Brave Bow guy is awesome though.

We kill a bunch more people and try to handle the mess of Troopers to the right.

Barry and Dangelo are both doing pretty well on this map. They can basically ORKO all of the enemies and soon each of them pulls out a level. Barry’s is crap whilst Dangelo’s is decent.

Oh and whilst we’re at it, I take a look at the NotRath and NotSue that joined in as greenies too. I would talk to them with Zigludo but currently he’s being carted around by Doggo so that he doesn’t die again.

They’re both pretty average, honestly. Even with the mangled and abused abortion that Corrupt Theocracy tries to pass off as game balance they could probably see some use. If I were to pick one I’d go for Wraith mainly because his stats are better balanced.

I’m still not quite sure whether Kaze is legit supposed to be a guy or whether Blademaster got stoned again and didn’t realize that it’s a guy’s name. This time I’m thoroughly hoping its’ the former.

So the greenies valiantly hold off the enemies and this awesome chick dodges like 3 times in a row.


Unfortunately our own chick(???) on a horse isn’t as awesome and she gets wrecked.

It’s my first and I don’t really feel like resetting so although the dick only makes it better I’m going to have to carry on and-




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5d3ao0Og8o
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/ron-swanson-computer-throw-out-parks-and-rec.gif

Alright, so after that little episode I actually decided to prep properly this time. Both Dangelo and Barry got bows and since the enemy troopers on the topside only carried bows this should make things a bit easier. And it does!

This is the map after the first enemy turn. Much better!

We got a bunch of decent levels on Dangelo and an okay Barry level out of that.

IS bites the dust again and Zigludo, who didn’t need to be rescue-hidden away from the troopers, talks to Kaze.

Watch out Zigludo, it’s a trap!

Anyway since we’re the nice guys we tell the bootleg ninja on a horse that we’ll help her/him/it.

She then goes off to recruit her bro.

Too late, nothing will bring back the time I wasted on this hack.

I turned off animations for a good part of this run because the phases take way too long as it is, especially the enemy ones. All you need to know is that Barry and Dangelo kill everyone whilst soaking all the hits thanks to their HP bars ranging from here to Miami.

Some more awesome levels are gained from Dangelo. I’m starting to warm up to this guy.

Barry on the other hand dissapoints me harder than I dissapoint my parents (mostly by playing shit like this instead of doing useful things).

If you’re wondering what everyone else is doing during this entire sequence, they’re essentially running it down the left side of the map because I don’t trust them to not get murdered.

Sylvia gets a level from dancing everyone, and it’s pretty meh. She doesn’t need strength as a dancer anyway.

Doggo continues causing terror with his Boltinghawk and nets himself a level. Sure it’s only two stats but speed on a General is pretty hype.

Meanwhile I get a bit careless and our most loyal comrade pays the highest price.

Rip Bowen, I will seize the means of production every Tuesday in your honour.

Oh and by the way if you’re wondering why I’m so hesitant to restart this map - Not only is this a fog rain map meaning reduced sight and movement (Hello repeat of chapter that I had two turns ago how is it that I always get these gems am I lucky or what?), there’s also the cancer fucking player unit palette swap coupled with the fact that automatic turn ending is broken so I need to manually check whether someone hasn’t missed a turn.

Alternate timeline again because I have too many of these to not share them.

The boss has kind of been busy massacring the greenies on the bottom side, who actually did a bit better this time - they got lucky with theit hits and mostly kept up toe to toe with the enemies. But now we’re closing the gap to him and Doggo gets in a Boltinghawk hit. That’ll teach the filthy imposter to try to impersonate Lord Doggo himself.

We romp around some more and Doggo rightfully takes the finishing blow against the discount Doggo. This was also the Boltinghawk’s last use before it broke. Rip in rip buddy, you served us better than Bowen did.

I mean, if you’re going to pick one stat…

Meanwhile thanks to the fucked tileset I didn’t notice there was a random house in the middle of the map until I accidentally visited it with wraith.

cool story kiddo

Anyway he gives us an Ocean Seal which is weird because I’m pretty sure houses were mostly for tips/worldbuilding but whatever this is CT it does whatever the fuck it wants.

At this point I’d also like to mention that despite me complaining about gameplay hacks I actually ended up using this broken Virgo with her stupid sword pretty heavily and you’ll see why.

But in the meantime, have another sweet Dangelo level. This guy’s popping off hard.

So as I whisk Zigludo away with Wraith and try to approach the temple that I’m supposed to Sieze (game’s wording, not mine), the game starts routinely spawning 2-3 troopers right close. I can’t even kill them fast enough because they all have longbows so I have to rely on Player Phase, and this is with me abusing the OP Virgo sword every damn turn. What this essentially boiled down to was me not being able to get Zigludo to the sieze point because he would need a turn after being dropped off and I knew for SURE he wouldn’t survive. Uuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh.

(Btw if you’re wondering, the temple is that green snot in the bottom right corney. It’s a bit brighter than the vomit surrounding it. Thank whoever fucked with the palettes.)

So We just sit here and kill some troopers. Honestly besides from the fact that they spawn faster than I can kill them the troopers are not really all that threatening. They pull out 5-9 damage or so on Barry and Dangelo who have 60+ Health Bars, not to mention that they can’t touch Doggo at all. If this was FE7 Which I guess it kinda is but sssh I would love the free XP but FE7 was actually a good game. In a way, this hack is like a festering disease plaguing FE7 and turning it into an imbalanced horror with shit writing. It’s almost poetic.

Barry and Doggo net some levels. Barry gets 5 stats across three levels and three of those are, ironically, Luck.

Doggo isn’t much better, but he’s adorable so he gets forgiven.

Anyway at some point the reinforcements FINALLY stop fucking spawning and I can sieze with Zigludo.

The one thing I see this hack doing a lot is opening a chapter with a bunch of people and closing it with a completely different random bunch of people. I won’t pretend to have actually followed the plot-line at all but it is a little bit weird. Almost makes things feel a little disconnected from each other.

So Lank, NotFir those name I fucking forgot, Hans and Mary Sue Whitehead Before Robin Made it Cool (fite me RD fans) talk a bunch. Apparently we’re going to a guild to recruit Donateenariers, which is something I can get behind. Everyone could do with some donations in their lives.

Oh and apparently Not Fir’s dad is a part of the Donate 5. DAE Hextator’s grand return to FEU???

Anyway we close the chapter on this note from Micaiah.

really fucking bad at designing games yes Micaiah I know, but I bet Blademaster’s a pretty chill dude in real life so don’t judge.


#53
Chapter 21: The Donate Five? (Part 1)

:U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5gRtDSDjlo

Yay

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CklYAoFeQ6s

Oh right, by the way.


gg


kek


This only comes up if you don’t attack anyone, weird.

Fucking hell. The dude had 41 hp at default. Talk about overkill.

fuck you

Whoa, 8% random crit? Geez.

This is gonna take a while.

… uh, I’ll be right back. I’ll make this a two-parter.


#54

they spelled seize wrong


#55

We noticed, although that’s hardly this hack’s biggest sin.


#56

more like sieeze nuts


#57
Chapter 21: THE DONATE FIVE (part 2)

I’m alive

FACE MASKED JUSTICE YOU CRITTING FUCK!!

YEAH, HOW’S THAT A HIT THAT WOULD TAKE JUST ENOUGH DAMAGE, BUT AS A CRIT!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aVcDBlu91Y

kek

anyways, we recruited Zane.

aaannd now we sieze.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkcNoSrQ_0U

:U
Hope your bodies are ready for chapter 22!


#58

getting oneshot? I CALL HAX- oh wait right


#59

This is is Romslaughter!


#60

#61

Shakespeare himself couldn’t have written it better, it’s simply destined to become a household phrase!