FEU VS Corrupt Theocracy

#1

Credit to Darrman and Alusq for the poster.

As one FEU Let’s Play comes to an end, it is time for a new run to begin. With many comrades by my side, we tackle one of the most infamous FE Rom hacks in history. Honestly, weren’t it for Ostian Princess, this would be the “So Bad, it’s Good” hack. Regardless, FEU is playing Corrupt Theocracy, and may God have mercy on our souls.

Rules are simple, the players take turns playing each chapter in the order below, they can make one edit per chapter, and can have one player character death per chapter so long as they aren’t a dick about it.

Ash
Darrman
MC
Alusq
Smiles
Bly
Ross

This is the turn order, Ash plays the first chapter, Darrman the second, and so on and so forth. God help us all

10 Likes
#2

Let’s do this thing, baby. We will eventually complete this!

1 Like
#3

Can we finish this one before FEXNA comes out and the heat death of the universe?

#4
Prologue: The Beginning of the Heat Death

So, our journey begins.

Kaga.

I have never played this hack in my life, so this will be a treat, I’m sure.

At least I’m being greeted. The nerve of some other hacks! I’m the player! At least say hello before you make me kill bandits.

and a fuckload of exposition I’m gonna skip.

Hey, it’s Glass and uh… random bandit guy from Lyn mode? Okay, seems normal enough so far.

oh no

oh no

REBUB?! FUCK that better be on purpose.

Ahhh, thank god. Sweet relief.

That wasn’t a typo then, good.

um, okay

but the real question is if they’re too proud to kill themselves, right? :thinking:

Route

also, wtf I can’t look at Eli in the status screen??
Whatever, so, our units.

This fucking guy.

this chick

and MarkyJoe1990. Pretty decent cast, if I say so myself.

Gonna move Bowen over to the village. Amazing.

No problem guy. just wanted to show you that this mug wasn’t glitched out

I don’t even care tbh. Also, no map changes, nice.

GLITCHYJOE CONSUMES

and it’s over

OH SHIT WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY YOU FREAK
ARE YOU JUST GOING TO TAKE THAT, ELI

You tell that fucker, Glitchyjoe

uh… what? “wee’s”? really?

sure

and our savior is here

next chapter: not by me, lol. good fucking luck, dude

7 Likes
#5

I really didn’t think this hack was infamous. And six months would be longer than it took for me to make this lol

6 Likes
#6

A story of suffering, spelling errors, shitty programming and siege tomes. You’d better be ready!

#7

Can I get in on this?

#8

I hate FEU spoilers. They never seem to work (probably because Internet Explorer is Internet Explorer.)

Chapter 1: Annoying “Route” Maps

Reinforcements

http://i.imgur.com/f9MKToS.png
There’s a lot of boys in the world. Which one?

http://i.imgur.com/dsKWhyh.png
TWICE THE LENGTH OF FE4?! I expect two BBQs.

http://i.imgur.com/lhUMA39.png
Bandit freaks out.

http://i.imgur.com/hlGxfcB.png
http://i.imgur.com/zQcmrn1.png
New recruits. Johalva-er, Barry is kinda insane.
http://i.imgur.com/tRWoXRK.png
We also have a Hector clone!

http://i.imgur.com/6Smvr4H.png
This myrm is a chump. Yeah.

http://i.imgur.com/IjXQak0.png
Here’s the boss, he’s not too tough. He’s a pain to reach, though…
http://i.imgur.com/VK1AQu3.png
Because of terrible map design! He’s surrounded by thickets and there’s only one way to get to him… and it’s really roundabout. Cross hils, dive into forests? I’ll just throw hand axes at him.
http://i.imgur.com/uC1HGth.png
Beware of ambush spawns. There’s three waves of them.
http://i.imgur.com/D64CYup.png
The boss didn’t die? Apparently.
http://i.imgur.com/GTrfu4c.png
The description isn’t working, and there’s a nasty fact hidden there: Poison Swords pierce defence! Suddenly they became a lot scarier now.

http://i.imgur.com/z0SBMO4.png
BALANCE
http://i.imgur.com/3uxXKJH.png
Vulneraries heal 15HP and have eight uses. Probably a lot more expensive now, though.
http://i.imgur.com/Bb1vuNg.png
Eventually, there was only this guy, who I killed with the peg knight. I didn’t get a snapshot, but a thief also stole one of my vulneraries. It won’t be missed.
http://i.imgur.com/oRwVJwF.png
Mamkute Biology 101: They’re old. Also MARKYJOE PORTRAIT BUGS

wait i think i fixed the spoilers

2 Likes
#9

Gdi darr

#10

Apparently Barry will ram 4 of his caps and get shit for every other level, but his bases are still uber.

#11
Chapter 2: "Betrayal"

I may have done a thing

Damnit Flo, already being edited preventing me from going full meme here

And everything is fine

Well said, Glitchyjoe

“Comamder”

Is this how humans laugh?

Neat, a prep screen. Plot would make you think otherwise, but lol

WAT

The cav is the boss, not the paladin behind him…

“Monkey Sperm”

BALANCE

Just incase you thought the Paladin would be a threat

Map won

OF COURSE THEY WEREN’T, THEIR GENERAL WAS A LOWER CLASS TIER THAN A RANDOM ASS MOOK

I’ll just leave this “subtle” bit of foreshadowing here for whatever poor asshole needs it down the line

Also, fun fact, Eli has a known bug of being unable to view his stats with the R button, FOR SOME REASON changing his portrait fixed this

2 Likes
#12

hint: press F12 to take nicer screenshots
In other news: Seliph? SELIPH? grumble grumble celice grumble

Also the most infamous quote in this hack, right here for your viewing pleasure.

#13

Every time somebody f’s me over in FE from now on, I will now call them

The Greatest Insult Known to Mankind

Monkey Sperm!

#14

What? That’s such a strange bug that it’s making my head hurt. How the hell does that happen?

#15

Shaitan give me strength…

episode 4

Oh. Fuck.

Oh, okay, it’s just fading into that Lyn Mode chapter where you fight Eagler; that one’s not ba—

Suddenly, cut to Jake! Eliwood’s happy theme abruptly cuts to that foreboding, trombone-y world map song.
So apparently, Max (not to be confused with Maxime, whose portrait he shares) is a dude in the Holy army attacking Repub. These NAMES, man

which one of you is responsible for this again?

I misread that as “It appears the Holy army is using the frog” at first. Shame; it would be more interesting than fog

This seems important?

YES!.. YYYYYYES!!!

Luteniant Pastel: The Saga.
… oh, fuck me, the implication is that this guy got so excited, he came on himself, isn’t it?

Find-and-replace is fun

Let’s give Marc (“Mark”? he’s gonna be sooo mad u guys) some more weap— oh…
I guess he’ll be fine…

This wacky single deployment slot out in the open is clearly so Comrade Ivan Ivanovich Ivanovski can lead the charge! FOR THE PEOPLE

Even Eli/Seliph is reposition-able. Interesting

… All I did was hit start to go to the battle. The opening scene’s playing again??

Oh, it was just the Jake text.

СЛАВАААААААААААА

All I can really do with my other dudes is move— oooOOOOOOo!

get 'em!!!

#pr0s7r4t5

I don’t remember your name in FE4, Mr. Guy, but you’re, like, really good

… eeeeehhhhhhhh

Enemies aren’t very cheeky for being FoW enemies; they seem mostly just to charge straight forth

… Of all the people to attack, you choose him? Why?

Cоmmunism is the sole religion of the proletariat, and so you must die! As must all these other guys, but eh

Oooh, not bad at all.

cool b8ns

I don’t think we’re ever gonna get tired of Marc and his all-around being a treasure

Too easy!

The people’s lance penetrates your hollow ideology!

Better! The Politburo will not disappear any of your family members for this level-up.

Seliph being un-R-button-able is the dumbest gimmick ever.

Especially because you can still R-button him in the Unit menu since he’s a player unit.

Seliph finally sees battle, and uses this opportunity to achieve a solid level-up!

Communism is as evasive as it is deadly!

The enemy cleric sees the error of her ways and decides to draw closer to state-mandated socialism while not actually doing anything.

The other cleric, though…

There be dudes on the horizon!

Ooooh, I get it. Erik and Eagler are Ether and Raptor. The latter is kinda clever in the context of name changes, I guess?

These guys are GOOD.

BREAKING: Cuyoot Villager Girl is Eloquent as Fuck

… wait. THERE’S NO WEIGHT? WHAT? That simplifies my choice of equipment, I guess. I’m sending Ether down below and Raptor up above.

… I should shoehorn this variant Marc into my Ragefest 5 entry somehow…

I blame the Serra animation for this

lmao

Announcer: “DOUBLE LMAO!”

“TRIPLE LMAO!”

“OVERLMA—” actually this one isn’t that ridiculous; she’s just doing well because she’s fighting a cleric

блядь

I should’ve just done this in the first place!

FUNTASTIC FACT: Erik’s palette in the original game only properly works in the player palette; the enemy version makes him look like a generic enemy cav with slightly greener hair. I’d bet money that Erik was playable in a very early build of FE7.

Holy scum! Have an AXE IN THE HEAD!
… Also, the ally/green/other/Luigi phase music is the Bern theme, which is weird.

We can see this guy now!

Sounds reasonable. “What will make it easier to fight my enemies? I KNOW! Fog that obscures vision!” I know that FoW is one-sided in FE7, but c’mon.

Pastel’s bodyguard is far more intimidating than Pastel himself.
… Come to think of it, maybe I should give the boss kill to Ether. I rescue the green guys so they don’t KS.

HAAAAAAAAA!!!

Have I mentioned that Troy is legend material?

well, have I?

not much left but the boss, but I bet there’s a guy hiding in the top-right somewhere, just 'cause.

sick Mother 3 reference bro

Even while carrying a dude, Ether can take this guy on

k

Oh wow, Winning Road is playi—

… ambushforcements.

AMBUSH. FUCKING. FORCEMENTS. If Ether hadn’t dodged that, I would’ve lost him to that random unexpected bullshit.

Long-range weapons in earlygame are fun, right?!?!

axe paladins are just so cool, yo

Alright. So as long as I defeat all these guys, the chapter’s over. Unless the Winning Road count was increased, but I don’t have enough faith in the game to expect it to do that

Time to drop the horse-Luigis.

This guy has a reaver, probs just to screw you over if you left Barry next to the fort.

Ready for this?

Yay!

… Oh. Brave and silver weapons’ required ranks (B and A) got swapped. That explains the “I can’t use it”.

Flo can’t damage that armour knight, so I’m plugging up the fort with her.

The Luigis will take care of that paladin, joined by a brave single red soldier who ambushspawned from that fort.

HGRYGRGHYR

WHAT THE HELL? Why is that cleric there? To force you to use Flo?

This merits a change of priority.

Oh snap. ALL of these soldiers that keep coming from the fort have horseslayers.

… these guys aren’t gonna make it, are they?

This is gonna be a while…

I’m regretting leaving that fort unattended.

NO MATTER!

“Mark” rushes to defeat this dude before the other Luigi joins his friends.

#CLUTCH #420 #$$$$$$$$$$$ axe horse Luigi new husbando

and with that, the chapter’s over!

As we all know in this modern age of FE, the most important thing about war is falling in love~
… Also, is “Ulala” a Space Channel 9 reference??

3 Likes
#16

Alright well let’s start this one then. I have decided to take this opportunity to create a LEARNING EXPERIENCE for all to benefit.

Chapter 4

http://i.imgur.com/N9IyICQ.png
First of all, never narrate this way. Narration is fine, but nothing is less compelling than some random people who aren’t even characters telling you what’s going on. Show, don’t tell.
But that’s not what we’re here for, are we, folks? Let’s take a look at the map.

http://i.imgur.com/lfd4McP.png

http://i.imgur.com/R68qtqE.png

http://i.imgur.com/sKmwV84.png

Well first of all, we’ve got a spread out player unit composition. I like that, but this chapter does absolutely nothing to capitalize on that so whatever on that front.
The enemy has no real rhyme or reason to its setup. They just have a massive cluster of units in a huge block that doesn’t even look like a unit formation FE4 style. So we’re already off to a bad start. A cursory look at the stats tells us that the generics are complete garbage and not threatening in the slightest.
And, oh boy, NPC paladins. They’re useful for taking out the weak-ass enemies for you, but why should they be the ones to do that? They don’t add anything strategic to the chapter at all so they should probably not be present.

Let’s talk about the enemies though. They’re mostly mediocre. I think the highest stats there were the Knights with 13 Str/Def. But considering this is their competition…
http://i.imgur.com/nF6S2el.png
They might as well not exist.
However, there are others.

http://i.imgur.com/v3XpUJ6.png
http://i.imgur.com/W1Ln351.png
jesus christ what the fuck

These guys are insane. For reference, the paladin one-rounds my lord with his Javelin. Lopsided design is bad, this chapter basically has exactly 2 threats, the paladin and the sniper, and no one else matters at all. But let’s get started with the “strategy”.

http://i.imgur.com/Z44CSdo.png
http://i.imgur.com/shThdQE.png
So this is pretty early on. I just rushed up to this chokepoint that the NPC paladins have so helpfully provided and bolstered it with my own troops. I also, because I saw no reason not to, rescue dropped several over to reinforce. It’s not like EXP matters when you have that fighter on your team.
As you’ll probably have noticed, this has no real thought put into it. I just threw everyone who wouldn’t die into this formation and they came out on top against the braindead generics.
http://i.imgur.com/IBx288q.png
zzzzzz
http://i.imgur.com/bd26vGL.png
As you can see, as well, there are reinforcements (ambush, of course). This is a Rout, er…
http://i.imgur.com/pJW6d1z.png
Well it’s a Route mission. Point is you gotta kill everyone. Think VERY carefully about adding reinforcements to routs. If you don’t want the player’s progression to feel wasted, the enemy’s numbers should be steadily going down throughout the chapter. This isn’t a strict rule but honestly use rout missions sparingly anyway, they’re very easy to fuck up.
http://i.imgur.com/b1fdaqo.png
After a very boring period of time, we come to the end. The reinforcements stop after around 3 turns, and i just have to clean up.
http://i.imgur.com/7sqZElM.png
And that’s the boss, and the chapter.
I kinda thought I’d have more to talk about in this but… it was really just boring. This just goes to show why unitswarm design is crap; unit swarms are not fun or strategic, it’s just an RNG check that takes up a ton of time. I spent like half the chapter holding the speedup button. But there’s still wondrous story to ponder.

http://i.imgur.com/GmA7nch.png
Featuring organic dialogue!

http://i.imgur.com/TlVAAYl.png
Sexual innuendo!

http://i.imgur.com/LEp6gk8.png
http://i.imgur.com/LHiJZzn.png
And questionable sexism!

Next time on Corrupt Theocracy!

2 Likes
#17

It’s my time to shine.

Part w/e the f at this point honestly

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426200511053834/lp_edit_01.png
And so it begins.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426231398039553/lp_edit_02.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426235164524544/lp_edit_03.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426245176066058/lp_edit_04.png
OK, that unit loading took way to freaking long, seriously. Fuckin longer than all of my player phases this chapter combined, tbh.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426278155878410/lp_edit_05.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426301790912512/lp_edit_06.png
The rear you say? :wink:

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426352801906691/lp_edit_07.png
It all fits together…

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426369143046146/lp_edit_08.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426376139145216/lp_edit_09.png
Ahhh… memories.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426406690324480/lp_edit_10.png
Channel the powers of Kaga by using this item.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426437459738624/lp_edit_11.png
Yup, Mark’s still glitched. At least he has a B in horses and pegasi, as well as an A in dark magic!

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426446146404355/lp_edit_12.png
Meanwhile, Holy Shit here is gonna be a real pain in the rear.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426462625824769/lp_edit_13.png
nice. just nice.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426495307710465/lp_edit_14.png
shadow called, he wants his edge back

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426748270379008/lp_edit_15.png
wait what’s the object-

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303426761226584065/lp_edit_16.png
oh thanks a fuckin lot.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303428212791443456/lp_edit_17.png
Ŧєєɭ Շђє ๓เﻮђՇ ๏Ŧ ђ๏ɭץ รђเՇ.
FΣΣᄂ ƬΉΣ MIGΉƬ ӨF ΉӨᄂY ƧΉIƬ.
『F』『e』『e』『l』 『t』『h』『e』 『m』『i』『g』『h』『t』 『o』『f』 『H』『o』『l』『y』 『S』『h』『i』『t』『.』
(っ◔◡◔)っ :heart: Feel the might of Holy Shit. :heart:
F҉e҉e҉l҉ ҉t҉h҉e҉ ҉m҉i҉g҉h҉t҉ ҉o҉f҉ ҉H҉o҉l҉y҉ ҉S҉h҉i҉t҉.҉

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303428218751287297/lp_edit_18.png
Holy Shit is kinda trash.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303428223713411072/lp_edit_19.png
Well fuck me.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303428241518231552/lp_edit_20.png
god fucking damn. fuck that took so long. why is the enemy phase so fuckin looooooooooooooooong

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303428613712248834/lp_edit_21.png
“They’ll never notice the difference.”

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303428814409695232/lp_edit_22.png
BTW as a mapper this map makes me wanna KMS.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303437628286435329/lp_edit_01.png
Right after this, he died.
And thus, we continued onwards, without Henry the Great.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303439461562187777/lp_edit_02.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303439464536080385/lp_edit_03.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303439469640417281/lp_edit_05.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303439473809686530/lp_edit_07.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303439478801039360/lp_edit_09.png
Raptor almost died but. Seliphxir to the rescue.

spookywyvernseverywhere - Today at 01:07
when does this chapter end.
circleseverywhere - Today at 01:08
When all your units die probably
spookywyvernseverywhere - Today at 01:08
gg
this isnt shattered stones, circles
its shattering my balls, though

Another unit died after that, but after restarting, this time I kept everyone inside the throne room area, and sent Ether to grab all the chests instead. Fuck actually playing the game. I left a little extra edit in the game’s music for the next person to play it to show my anger.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303441597268361216/lp_edit_10.png
Definently, lol.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303441982515183626/lp_edit_11.png
Took me a while to realize the chapter was over.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303442039671095297/lp_edit_12.png
“That’s wight… what’s wight… mama always smiles when I [censored]…”

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/303442289064411136/lp_edit_13.png
A :snake: preview

3 Likes
#18

Hand me a loaded gun because I actually feel like ending it all.

This has got to be, without question, one of THE worst fucking desgined Fire Emblem chapters I have ever had the misfortune to play. Not even in terms of difficulty (although there were some hiccups, more in spoilers), but just in the sheer levels of bullshittery going on. Having to play through this chapter was akin to scraping my face against a cheese grater, and given the choice I’m not sure whether I wouldn’t go for the cheese grater.

Anyway, let’s get this shitshow rolling.

I want to scream but only blood is coming out

Otherwise known as Chapter 6.

Jake does an exposition dump. I would talk about how awful this method of narration is is but I think someone else already mentioned it.

NotMurdock, Seliph, NotHarken and NotFarina talk a bunch. Apparently NotHarken and NotFarina are a couple or something.

Blademaster when making this hack.

What this hack does to your sanity.

This goes on for a bit and then they talk about some pregnant chick that they apparently fucked and ponder on who’s the father. Classy. (By the way what kind of fucking name is Mage? Is it supposed to be a country? A person? Who knows.)

Preparation time! NotErik takes a backseat to make space for our true Lord. (Credit to General Ciraxis for the mug).

We finally load in and I start getting my first doubts - Deserts + Fog of War. Not a fun combination, but FE6 does it so I can’t complain too much I guess.
Though then again not giving you any thieves or torches for this is a dick move so I can complain. This sucks.

Oh just before I forget, the first time I tried to start the battle this happened. Apparently you need to skip Jake doing his narration again or it breaks the map. Nice one Blademaster.

Anyway we start moving up a little. We get three new units here and they’re all mosnters. Mac here is basically impervious to damage and has stupid strength. The only drawback to him is that with his Con he can’t really be rescue-carted around easily. He comes with a Silver Spear, Tomahawk and Elixir.

Beyard just has stats up the wazoo. The reat treat with him is that he gets a Brave Sword (which also has 40 uses, can’t recall if this is in base FE7 or not).

Finally Fauna. Neat stats, flier, comes with a Silver Spear, a res-hitting sword and an elixir. What’s not to like?

Anyway we start moving up. Nothing really interesting happens. Mac goes up with Reptor and makes mince-meat out of the enemy units with the help of our bard.

I move Fauna up since she ignores terrain and the desert movement penalties and things generally go pretty well. Which is when THIS happens.

That screenshot is a bit shit but this is one of the BOSSES of the chapter right there! And he’s a Berserker with a KILLER AXE, meaning he’s pulling up around 40% crit against everyone! Maybe I shouldn’t have been putting Fauna so far up but seriosuly how the fuck is it a good idea to place such a strong unit that can potentially one-shot anyone so close to you on a map where you can only see two squares ahead and you don’t get any thieves or torches? Fucking hell.

Oh and have a picture of Lord Doggo trying to go up against this guy. Hell, when I test-ran this chapter originally I moved Doggo up like 2-3 spaces and Maggie STILL reached him. This is NOT good game design.

Anyway we have some OP units of our own so after the initial revelation this shouldn’t be so bad.

Meanwhile Mac goes up and makes mince-meat out of everyone. Seriously, look at this guy.

Oh and just so that you’re aware, some clever clogs decided to replace almost every track in the rom with an 8-bit version of Never Gonna Give You Up. It even plays on the attack and defend battle phases.

Just kill me now.

Anyway Bowen goes into the house and recruits another comrade into the ranks. We’re also treated to a remixed version of Together We Ride played on some sort of banjo or something with the brigand crit screech looping over and over in the background. Brilliant.

Me too thanks.

Sure we are.

This guy mentions that he was part of the Merc 5 (these fucking names I swear) and then ends the conversation on this wonderful note.

He’s also OP as hell to boot.

Anyway we do some more killing and Maggie finally dies.

Thanks, we really needed to know that.

Some levels are gained.

“Seems balanced to me.” - Blademaster at some point, probably.

Not that I’m complaining though. This map is enough of a slog as it is and he’s one of the few units I can send forward without fear of getting murdered by several units.

In the meantime Barry gets a shit level, probably because he already rammed three of his caps.

Troy isn’t much better.

So at this point I noticed that the objective isn’t displaying in the bottom right corner as usual so I go ahead and check what it is.

What.
The.
Fuck.

Okay so first of all >>>>Route.
Second of all, you have a desert map with 2 tile vision and no way to overcome this. The map is already enough of a fucking slog because your pegasi can’t move forward in fear of being shot out of the skies and the few units you have that can confdently run in blind are gonna be trudging at 1-2 tiles per turn. But you also force the player to have to kill EVERY SINGLE UNIT ON THE MAP?

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh.

That aside the army reunites (sorta) and most of them just sit there whilst Beyard, Mac and Fauna murder everyone. God bless Beyard’s Brave Sword.

Seliph eats a light brand attack whilst Barry and Mac do their thing.

(In case you haven’t noticed already yes Mac is broken as shit).

Flo has just been kinda wandering around as a rescue-bot because Fauna basically makes her obsolete. Note, budding hackers and game-designers - don’t give the player a unit if you’re going to give them a blatantly better unit that does the same job later on.

A good level and a meh level Oh well, Beyard has bases anyway.

Meanwhile Captain Doggo nets himself a level too and it’s actually kinda decent.

You go get’em, Dogg-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qvv1mqL6IZA

I would reset but it’s been too many fucking turns and by now I just want this nightmare to be over with. RIP Captain Doggo, you will forever remain in our hearts.

Somewhere around this time during the start of my turn the camera moves repeatedly between the two forts. Which can only mean one thing.

Reinforcements! Because having to rout(e) on a desert map where you can’t even utilize your Pegasus’ mobility advantage wasn’t bad enough already.

Fucking.

Seriously.

I should also give credit to Raptor. He was kinda slogging along on his horse too but he’s been putting in some good work. We also get to see a somewhat interesting scenario of the standard weapon triangle applying because of one slayer weapon being up against another slayer weapon.

Troy Longbows a mook to death and gets an okay level.

Speaking of Raptor though, you should probably do some trading and get him a proper set of weapons. Currently he just has a Javelin and some effective damage weapons so his hit rates have been shaky all around.

And now we get to the fun part, the magnum opus of this chapter, the absolute brilliance of this hack’s design in a nut shell.

So after this kill (I think) Never Gonna Give You Up fizzled out into another round of Never Gonna Give You Up. I figured out that this was the victory music popping up, which meant that there’s only one unit left on the map. Great. We’re almost finished, right?

Nope.

You see, now I actually had to FIND this one unit. And since everyone apart from Fauna was slowed down and I didn’t trust Flo to not get murdered, I spent about 10 turns just moving everyone around. It was at this point that I slowly started to give up
.

Anyway after what seems like a fucking age we finally find the fucker and he turns out to be a lowly fighter. Raptor and Beyard make short work of him.

Quite.

Beyard says that the battles ahead are gonna get even tougher. Joy.

I mean, Mac’s not wrong here. Beyard saved my ass by being just about the only unit who could reliably one-round the Warriors. It was mostly thanks to his Brave Sword but he was still the MVP of this map.

And that’s it! Hope you folks enjoyed this, because I sure fucking haven’t. Now excuse me while I go find a length of rope.

6 Likes
#19

Lord Doggo was too pure for this sinful game

4 Likes
#21

Consdering that assassin came out of the fucking Fog of War, yeah I’d say so too.