There are two parts to this post: one is an announcement and the other is the context behind it. I’ll warn you, the second part is personal and kind of heavy, and probably only matters to people who know me. With that out of the way…
Oh, well I guess the title of the post gives away the first part. I’ve decided to step down from my position of moderator on the FEU Discord and as a forum staff member. I don’t know if I’ll return to my position in the future if given the chance.
I wanted to make a post here on the forum to avoid cluttering the announcements channel with the context. Hopefully this reaches people across different timezones better than me trying to talk about it on the Discord.
That second part
It’s your boy Zane “only uses FEU to whine about his own problems” Avernathy back at you with a post that he doesn’t know how to write properly so he’s attempting a bit of humor. Hit that like button and subscribe for more personal details you didn’t need and threads about poorly-articulated feelings.
Those of you that know me might know that I’m a diabetic. I was diagnosed with type one diabetes when I was five, and it’s been something that I’ve struggled with for almost my entire life.
In late August, that struggle caught up with me. I was stricken with the sudden onset of debilitating nerve pain in my legs, left arm, and lower abdomen. The pain has been constant since then, and increases in intensity at night to the point where I can no longer sleep for more than an hour or two at a time.
Since then, I’ve made significant progress to manage my diabetes. Regular exercise, better monitoring of my blood sugar, and better communication with my family have led to me being quite happy with where my diabetes is at. Currently, my hemoglobin A1c (a variant of hemoglobin that’s useful for measuring average blood sugar over a long time) is at 6.6%, which is below the 7% mark that’s generally used to indicate chronic elevated blood sugar. That news actually put me to tears, as it’s the first time in my life that I remember where it’s been this good. On top of that, I’ve gained five pounds since my last visit to a doctor, putting my weight over a hundred pounds for the first time in my life.
Sadly, being in control of my blood sugar now does nothing to help the pain I’m currently experiencing. You can’t fix this nerve damage, and the best I can do is to manage my pain and prevent it from getting worse. My doctor and I have been working to figure out a pain management plan that will let me return to functioning as a human being again, but my current treatment isn’t having enough of an impact.
My current status is uncomfortable days with me writhing in pain at night. Lack of sleep, side effects of medication, and the wear against my mental health from all of this make it very hard for me to do anything at all. Thus, I’m taking a step back from things that put a strain on me, and sadly moderating is one of those.
I’m very grateful to the staff members I’ve had the privilege of working with. They’ve been incredibly understanding of my situation and supportive of me. It makes me feel guilty to leave them with more work, but I need to focus on myself.
If you’ve read up to this point, thank you. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m doing my best to be hopeful about it.
