What happened to Corrupt Dorcas?
SoonTM
I just hope they do something hilariously dumb, like Kelik in Bernvern Knight armor, or Glaceo.
Hello, hello! I know you’ve all been absolutely DYING for yet another post from your man Rossendale and here I am to gracefully deliver.
At least until ash figures out I got 2 people killed even though it’s technically against the rules and comes to my house to beat the shit out of me also spoiler alert whoops haha
Chapter 23, aka the reason why my cancer got cancer
So this one was a doozy. And by a doozy I mean I actually want to die. But let’s take it from the top!
So the plot here is that Micaiah’s brother or something is in the castle and we gotta fight him and his goons for some reason and we gotta get in the throne room and stab him and stand in his spot to make everyone know we took over the castle. Because just waving around his unconscious body to signal that we took over the castle would be too logical.
So we start off the map and I notice a couple more of our units got given the super OP weapons. They’re called ‘Shangos’ now and Zigludo got one so he doesn’t suck complete donkey cock. Good for him.
We scrap some more and Beyard nets himself a meh level. Skill and Res is always something, I guess.
The map looks like this. Our objective is, I think, to reach the throne room, kill the dude and place someone on his spot.
It’s going easy enough and Zane gets an okay level. Strength is always appreciated.
Apparently people fucked with the palettes because all of our berserkers turned into knights with axes. At least the anims are pretty cool.
Can’t say the same for Tequila’s palette. Markyglitch 2.0 in the making here.
Apparently Zigludo learned how to get stats that aren’t HP. You go get’em, Ziggy!
Barry gets a defensive level. He’s basically shitting stats at this point though so I can’t exactly complain.
But none of this actually matters because I forgot to bring a thief with me.
So this time I actually pay attention to preparation and remove all the shitty unpromoted chars we have for better ones. Namely, I bring this badass right here.
You can tell that he fucks.
Anyway we make our way to the throne room like last time. Zigludo gets two decent levels. Shame he wasn’t doing this 10 chapters earlier.
Apparently he stole stat-ups from Barry and Beyard because their levels both got shittier.
Zane traded Def and Speed for Luck. 200% worth.
So we finally get to the throne room whilst going at a snail’s pace because our only thief is Larry and his stats are absolute garbo so he gets one-rounded by essentially anything. And we get this shit.
Blademaster the master troll. At least he has that going for him.
Aaaand straight afterward Larry dies.
Aaaand he triggers a game-over because having fun is an outdated concept.
Weeeeee!
I start again and get literally like 3 turns in and Zigludo dies.
Okay so this time I actually prepare properly, not only in game.
First of all, I shamelessly go over to TheMoniker’s LP and see what you actually have to do to beat this damn chapter. Apparently the boss is actually at the courtyard bit above the castle and you need to go there and stand in his spot. Simple enough.
Second of all, I remind myself that I am playing on an emulator and save states are a thing.
Third of all I hug my Dorcas bodypillow for mental support…
Okay, I don’t actually have a Dorcas bodypillow. I wish I did though. I pretend to hug one instead.
…
WE RIDE!
Or Lana rides because she’s broken to high hell and has one of our Shangos.
Oh and speaking of Shangos, Zigludo’s got stolen lol. The thief that took it couldn’t even use it so he died easily enough though.
Lana runs off to solo the right side just in case I have to rout as well.
The objective says “Special” and I didn’t read into Moniker’s LP carefully enoought so for all I know I’m going to have to do three loops with my falcos to open a secret entrance to the fourth circle of hell.
(The first three were the previous chapters I had to run).
Throne room’s closed due to AIDS (and shit design).
The rest of the army assail the left side of the map but we come against pretty strong foes. Beyard gives up his life in the struggle.
F
The rest of the army valiantly handle the units down the right corridor. Revenge is ours!
You messed with the wrong Donateenaries mofo [insert that one FE4 Navy Seal copypasta].
But then suddenly like 1 bajillion enemy paladins run down the main left-side hall so I end up having to form a meatwall with all of my relatively tanky units.
They valiantly stand their ground but there’s a lot of fekin’ paladins.
At least Serlis gets a bunch of levels out of it.
But Raptor finally falls underneath all the pressure. He doesn’t even get a death quote (because he technically shouldn’t be here). We mourn his ghostly soul just as much though.
The sacrifices aren’t in vain though, as we finally break through the paladin spam. Huzzah!
Our army breaks into the courtyard and finds our quarry.
I’m pretty sure the ‘King’ was called Zephyr or some shit in the cutscenes but who cares I guess.
The portrait was me though. Farugs is the king of the seas so it fits anyway.
He also has OP as shit stats.
But we have Lena so he’ll go down easily enough. As soon as we deal with this.
k
The warp-shifting wall Sniper gets taken care of and Fargus follows soon. We then spend like 5 turns actually finding the spot that he was standing on because I managed to forget in the 10 seconds or so (don’t ask).
Time for plot!
Micky Micky Stu, how are you?
Yes I spent time on that.
Micky’s brother apparently lost his memory or something and now he wants a nap.
Zigludo is of the suspect.
And we suddenly get shifted to a meetup between Micky, Serlis, Snoop and Dellhonne.
In Bowen’s honor we will seize the means of Lyn x Florina fanfic production.
Go home Snoop, you’re sober.
We learn that Holy Shit has hired the entire Assassin Guild to go to some place called Ohana and kill all the other guilds. All I can think of is Lilo and Stitch.
Apparently circles has a band of pirates.
And literally right afterwards we’re told to donate. Meme magic is real.
We also apparently put Dellhonne in charge of an entire country in our absence. I thought we were liberating the place.
Did you know that Blademaster said Corrupt Theocracy’s gameplay is bad because you are supposed to play it for the storyline and writing?
Just let it sink in.
Another skip and Micaiah is talking to Zeiss and Merc Sonic. Alright then.
And then we get some old guy telling us to donate to get girls.
So THAT’S why I’m still single!
And there you have it folks. Those posts have actually been pretty fun to write, sorry you had to wait so long for this one.
For the last time, I hand off to Ash.
o/
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And so, we clear Backwards Battle Before Dawn once again. This timeline’s getting awfully confusing.
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It is more confusing then the Zelda timeline.
That map will never die.
I’ll write the chronology next Blitz
Aaaand the game ate them all up. Thend.
we’ll break the timeloop 
, we promise
(I’ve played a few more chapters on discord, catch things up)
well that’s good