We’ve all been there – perhaps it was at a local sit-down restaurant or at a family member’s house. Your eyes peered up from the #hack_design_meta channel to see two armies, one in a dark blue palette, the other in a lighter red palette facing off against each other. Most of their units were in melee range standing idle on a field that looks eerily similar to the first map you made, just a massive grass rectangle. Unsure if it was player phase or enemy phase, all at once every unit started moving. “Hm, so it’s a cut scene” you might think as you push your glasses up the bridge of your nose. But no! One of the blue units trades an item to another as he rushes up the map. Enemies swarm him as he goes down to the ground, no doubt reciting his Death Quote. Curiously, all units, both blue and red, stand back up and reset their deployment phases. “What is this, Casual Mode? How can anybody enjoy this? Where’s the unit diversity?” Your cries fall on deaf ears.
I hear you, Fire Emblem fans. And I’m here to tell you that the game of (American) football has many similarities to the series we all love. There are growth units, classic FE archetypes, warring factions, and a mountain of world-building that rivals that of even the most verbose hacks. Perhaps one group’s history will interest you, or perhaps you will become a fan of a particular unit after understanding their playstyle. While perhaps the the NFL is not “What if Fire Emblem was in Real Life”, it can be surprisingly close at times.
The Factions/Countries/Warring Populaces (Teams)
Like any good Fire Emblem game or hack, there are distinctly opposing colored factions in any given encounter. This could be:
- The noble blue Lions of the North
- The crafty Buccaneers to the South
- The fierce yet often overshadowed Bills to the East
- The reigning champion Seahawks to the West
Or any of the 32 teams that comprise this world we are calling the National Football League
You may pledge fealty blindly to a faction like any good generic soldier would (and there can be fun in that), but maybe it would pay off in the endgame if you consider yourself the choosy mercenary. These factions must entice you in some way in order for them to earn your allegiance. Perhaps its their rich history of victories, their roster of highly playable units, or simply their color palettes. There are no wrong answers… save for the Browns of the North.
Unit Classes, A Primer
Just like in Fire Emblem, we see threads of common class design in the NFL. The speedy receiver, the brawny running back, the strategic and agile safety, or the brutish defensive edge. There are several familiar features to a unit in any given class, although like any good hack there are units who break the common mold. Let’s talk about the most prominent classes to arm ourself with knowledge with the ultimate goal of arguing if a unit is “good” or “bad”.
Quarterbacks. These are your Lord Units. Almost always the face of any given army. Some quarterbacks will have a long list of victories in which they led their faction to a map clear on the last possible turn. Others will have promising futures, as they have just finished the prologue and are heading into their first real map. Like any given Fire Emblem entry, the effectiveness of your Lord unit can largely influence how most of the game is going to go.
Running Backs. Running backs are a hack designers best friend. They can be bulky, speedy, reckless, nimble, but most of all reliable. They are the backbone of any solid army. They will have heavy usage, and factions will often incorporate multiple running backs in any given chapter (but never at the same time, doesn’t fit the meta anymore).
Wide Receivers. These are your speedy, typically high move units that are deployed en masse (because as we all know, movement is king). Many will have larger than life personalities and cost some significant gold to recruit. Their involvement will sometimes lead to big, swingy turns that can turn any map completely upside down.
Linemen. These are your armor knights that block the enemy front liners. They are crucial to any given phase, whether it’s player or enemy. Their movement and strength stats will often determine the success of any strategy.
Tight End. A tight end is a hybrid unit that uses the attributes of a lineman and a wide receiver. While rarely the focus of any given army, they provide excellent utility. Sometimes, even multiple tight ends are deployed.
Defensive Players. These classes are all lumped together. These units are relatively less interesting to dive into since their ultimate goal is to just “stop the opposing army from reaching the seize point.” While some defensive units are worth noting, as whole they are largely similar. Who likes enemy phasing anyway?
Notable Lords
While many fans of the NFL and Fire Emblem argue that Lords are the most exciting and discussion worthy classes of the game, some stand at the upper echelons of the Records Screen.
Patrick Mahomes
Now, here’s a guy that can solo a map. This may very well be the only unit you know, and for good reason. Mahomes has been a mainstay on the Chiefs to the West for a decade and has led the faction to several championships over his tenure. Some argue that he’s the most overpowered unit in the game, pulling off low-percentage crits and other nonsense to somehow come out on top. Others argue that he’s manipulating the game’s code. What one can’t argue is that he’s undoubtedly carving his name into a new FE archetype for unit designers to debate for the next millennia. He’s been funneled more EXP and boss kills than almost any other Lord.
Josh Allen
Josh Allen’s impressive statline would suggest that he’s worthy of inclusion on this list. Notably, half of the years he’s been deployed he’s been offensive player of the year. While he has yet to put it all together and make it to the final map, it’s clear that it’s not from under performance on his part. If you are like me and love Ike, you will probably also love Allen.
Sam Darnold
Darnold has one of the most interesting backstories of any given Lord. His previous faction, the Vikings of the North, deployed Darnold after their previous lord was incapacitated during a shopping chapter. During his time, his army was regarded one the strongest of all 32 factions. Unfortunately, his performance in the post-game dipped drastically, leading to his release in the following year. After he was conscripted by the Seahawks of the West, he managed to lead his army to a championship victory! He is the Lord who has acquired his most recent Solar Brace, albeit carried heavily by the Jagens on his team.
Justin Herbert
He’s finally here, Potential Man. If you are looking for the Lord unit who has all the right pieces and is just one, minuscule push away from being overtuned then wait no longer. With a new strategist (offensive coordinator) on his side, this unit could have the last design revision he needs to bulldoze his hack. Surely this is the last of several changes he needed before he works out like we all expected, right?
And fear not, intrepid reader. These are far from the last Lord units we’ll discuss.
Ests
Growth fans rejoice! Every year over 100 Ests colloquially known as “college students” pledge their undying allegiance to any army willing to draft them. Among them will be several fodder units, some that may never hit a deployment slot. But every faction hopes that they’ve got the perfect plan to grow their Est into a unit worthy of making it to the artwork on the front of the game box. This year, one of the most intriguing growth units has entered the game.
Fernando Mendoza
Look at him, his armor hasn’t even been spliced on yet. His smile implies he hasn’t experienced the countless horrors of war. Pre-timeskip, Mendoza led his army to a victory on the national level. Now that he enters the NFL post-timeskip as the first overall unit, he has been conscripted by the league’s previously worst-finishing team, the Raiders to West. Can his arrival and stat-inflation rocket this army into a respectable standing? Only time, and several levels, will tell.
The Marcus
Just because maps are flooding with tier 1 units doesn’t mean a pre-promote can’t shine.
Matthew Stafford
Among the oldest of the guard, Matthew Stafford is still clearly relevant in his tastefully grayed era. While boasted a significant level of 38, he is also the most recent recipient of the MVP award, the highest honor a player can be bestowed by the game designers. His impressive combat animations that usually involve him looking one way and attacking the other lead to frequent, yet effective hype-moments. His presence, along with a strong supporting cast (and an insanely busted recently recruited unit), places the Rams of the West as significant favorites to be the team on top this year.
Christmas Cavaliers
While there aren’t many duos that fit the christmas cavs role in the current meta, in a not so distant build there was a duo affectionately referred to by fans as Sonic and Knuckles. Of course, I’m referencing the previous running backs of the Lions of the North, Gibbs and Montgomery. Their drastically different statlines and playstyles led to the enemy army scrambling to fortify their defenses and provide meaningful threats to the high powered player phase of the Lions. Alas, it is with a heavy heart I must inform the reader that Montgomery has been exiled to the Texans of the South.
The stage is open for a new cavalier duo to take the stage. Perhaps similarly palatalized but entirely unique Lamb and Pickens for the Cowboys of the East.
Bord and Cord
Jaxson Dart and Cam Sakttebo
Talk about some Chapter 2 units that we can all have a good laugh at. These two caricatures are members of the Giants of the East, a faction that currently lacks in power but is making up for in Gen Z vibes. These two have several reaction image worthy moments and a chemistry that will have you invested whether you care about their deployment or not. They probably won’t remember the names of their A-supports by 50, but we’ll have fun watching the ORKO some unsuspecting recipients along the way.
The Black Knight
Myles Garrett
Multiple time defensive player of the year Myles Garrett is the epitome of an unstoppable defensive unit. Do you remember the feeling of the Black Knight walking out of the little house in the center of FE9 Chapter 12? An unbeatable wall of steel within striking distance of your most valuable units! Now imagine that same feeling about a hundred times over the course of any given map. That’s what it’s like getting to a chapter, scrolling through enemy units, and stumbling upon Garrett.
In an unprecedented maneuver, the Browns of the North traded Garrett to the Rams of the West.
Yes, the Rams with The Marcus.
It’s like Daein trading the Black Knight to Crimea for Brom and a couple of high-ranking future recruits. It doesn’t make sense on paper, but it was somehow shoehorned into the story for the sake of some big payoff down the line.
One of the best posts I’ve ever come across on this site and it’s not even a romhack.
