SIGURD is a scary thing, nobody wants to be the guy in last place, and everyone wants to be “that cool guy who got first” with the thing they put out to be seen. or, god forbid, you become the exact median and get to be known as the most average hacker, ruining your ability to ever hack again from the shame.
so, in my utmost charity. i’m proud to announce the first open bribing process for the MARTH series of contests.
you can send me money/goods/other services/cameos and i will work with you to help make sure you do a bit better on your submission. send me a good enough offer, and you’ll be the Closing Act of this year before you know it.
now maybe you’re not certain on if you can trust me to stay true to my word. maybe feel like I’ll take your bribe then blam your hack we’re on newgrounds? well…as these quotes from the many I’ve taken bribes from, all can assure you I would never, ever, take your money and leave you hanging like the gullible sucker you are.
from the romhackers, to the previous judges, to spriters, rebalancers, writers in full on games, and even Dooblerino (creator of Isekai Emblem (two)), every subsection of FEU can attest to my honor.
Testimonials
if you couldn’t trust all these shining faces, who can you trust?
now while 9 out of 10 forumgoers agree, fringus is the only person you can bribe and feel safe knowing he will stand by his word.
the other 1/10 don’t, but it’s okay. because they don’t matter and should not be trusted.
Rates
all rates/points to bribe ratio are done on a case by case person by person basis.
the one rule is no bribes in videogame copies because you gormless freaks keep sending me “Garfield Cart” and im sick of it.
Clauses
no cops, no snitches, no backsies. not like you’d EVER go back on this offer.
no more milk and cookies because rye almost put me in a coma last time and im aware of these tricks now.
you can apply to bribe me through contacting my associate via this link, who will get you started.
if it does not work, you may also reach out with bribes via discord under the same user, replies in this thread or messages here.
Legal jargon you can skip, it's bureaucratic nonsense
Heretofor upon sending a bribe to the ‘Fire Emblem Universe’ Forumgoer ‘Fringus’, briber, from hereon referred to as ‘You’ accepts use of their image, name, look, and off/on site actions in perpetuity with accreditation in a “Pastebin” digital document with no require to maintain such credits. Not only this, but You will be held liable for any debts, expenses, or liabilities gained by Fringus after the deal.
Fringus has no requirement of basis to add points after a sincere review, and will have full right to dictate rating changes based on the time of day, feng shui of current room, and the state of the tides and oceans. Briber/You will also, though such bribe, wholeheartedly welcome the use of forcible organ arbitration of your person in the scenario that he has reasonable cause to feel that his bribe could of been bigger.
Fringus now also owns a majority share on your soul, bar minimum 60/40 in his favor. If soul is currently sold or divvied up via council, a separate settlement may be made to handle the matter at cost to You.
