FEU plays TLP


#1

This is a Tag Team LP of The Last Promise.

Rules:

  • Don’t kill safe units. Lords are free.
  • Get the Emblem Weapons
  • Don’t fuck up
  • Don’t be a dick
  • No selling promo items for safe units
  • Promote at lv15 or higher
  • Don’t summon the antichrist
  • or do, whatever
  • hail stan

Player order (safe unit):

Circles (Shadow)
Datagne (Liquid)
Tequila (Cia)
Camdar (Althares)
Zane (Tamiko)
Wanwan (Inanna)
Zim (Kevin)
Darrman (Zach)


Prologue

Righto, so I’m up first with the prologue. It should be noted that I’m going in blind.

We kick of with some narrated infodump that I forgot the details of almost immediately.

Then we get an action-packed intro where some dickhead takes over some other dickhead’s castle.

Just when it starts to get interesting we jump to Batta the Beast yelling at some dudes about something.

K.

Yeah, okay buddy

Apparently our dude’s got issues.

Battle kicks off and we gotta kill 5 bandits. Instead I go visit the village, except:

A little bird told me to wait on the tile anyway:

#WHY THE FUCK IS THIS NOT A VISIT EVENT

Well, whatever. Let’s get fighting.

Come on dude, you’re not exactly spectacular here.

Then his kid takes out a few grunts and gets an underwhelming level.

Side note: What the hell kind of name is Gallant?

Boss dude comes up.

Oh look, kiddo has a prf armourslayer. Why exactly did the game tell me to get the kill with Siggy again?

Had to drop a vulnerary for this because who checks inventories lol

Having killed the bandits - er, soldiers - Siggy reveals his true nature as a deadbeat dad.

Me too, buddy. Me too.


#2

This is a show. Let’s get it on the road!


#3
SPOILER

Chapter 1 - The beginning

HOW DARE THEY

#meirl

Cause that’s exactly what people do…

Meanwhile, with the shitlords

“Fuck it’s this guy…”

You fool! Didn’t you hear this was a tag team run?!?!?!?

10/10 advise Siggy

How little you know…

Oh no predictable level 1 bandits how could we have known?

Oh no generic bandit number 20341 what can we do?

> 40 hit

Trash tier confirmed

I like green

Trash Tier still confirmed

Still gonna heal you, cause I’m nice

Go away, we’re having fun murdering ourselves without your help

Whoops, Shon’s not at full health due to his level up

Much better!

It’s going to be a miracle if he survives Zim

Damn. Such defense… It’s almost as if he was designed so you have to use a certain weapon on him…

Not pictured: text skip. Blazer can’t even beta test the second boss’s quote

Hey, this works

Meh

Got injured, and there could be surprise reinforcments. Gotta keep him topped up.

Oh no! I should have used this stupidly awesome weapon from the very beginning! I should have known!

RIP

Meh

Yay friendship! We were right and they were wrong!

Soo… Next chapter?

Far too late my friend…


#4

Of what exactly, I wonder?

Siggy needs a bath.

Do I really need to say anything?

Who could it be?

“No, I am Edgelord Supreme!”

And then he beats up a poor bandit.

I think she’s a bit young for you, Siggy.

What, really?
checks safe list
Oh, ok, come on then.

Bases aren’t great, but she’s a healer, a safe character, and also gets 21 xp from the heal staff. She’ll probably be level 20 by the end of part 1.

The map. The true objective is to rescue Edgelord Supreme before he steals all my exp.

Isn’t it a little early for <10% hitrates?
Naaaaah.

Siggy puts in some work as well.

Not bad…not bad…

Of course, dear old dad has to show him up.

Accidentally left Tamiko in range of this fool. Shon falls back to wipe him out.

YOINK!

Shon’s doubling mercs now!

Not too bad, either of them.

I forgot Siggy has lances. This’ll serve him well.

Tamiko gets her first level, and it has strength, so yay!

Don’t be a dick, they said. So I wasn’t a dick.

Will never complain about more strength.

I missed it, but Shon actually crit the boss and got a very defensive level-up, and an elixir to replace the one that Darrman foolishly wasted.

I can’t help but imagine this guy’s head is going to split on the dotted line and reveal a jack-in-the-box inside.

Nothing Nothung doing.

But…but…

YES! HEALER POWAH!

Yeah, I purposely hurt my guys just so you can fix 'em up.

Oh, I bet it is.

“I can’t help it…I was born this way.”

OOOOOOOH


#5
My map!

Here we go!

I don’t actually remember this happening anywhere, but sure!

Well, there’s one mercenary. Inanna is definitely a pegasus knight.

Hooray for explaining game mechanics? This entire conversation comes down to “we are regular units that may as well be part of your army so you have to arm us”

I agree. Mercenaries are arguably the literally worst way to recruit to your cause because of how sellswording works - as the rebels, there is approximately zero chance that you will be able to outbid whomever you’re rebelling against. Taking mercenaries into the core of your forces where they can learn how you operate is a terrible idea.

How do you know that? You’ve had exactly one conversation with them, in which you didn’t even talk about Magnus!

Your rebellion plan relies on grabbing two mercenaries, somehow storming a fort, which enables you to do… what, exactly? If there were some sort of strategic advantage to taking this fort, like tactical positioning or adding PoWs to your cause or something, it might be a good plan, but none of these are made explicit. From what I can tell, you’re storming a fort… solely because you might be able to take it. And just watch, what they get out of this fort isn’t exactly going to be inspiring.

yesterday? Just how long has Siegfried’s party been staying here? Let’s look at what we know about the sequence of events. Last we saw, they were storming the shrine of Seals Edgelord Bandit Fortress and met the edgelord himself. Before that, they had just reached a village that was grateful to be free of Magnian tyranny. There may have been a few days between the two maps, but then how come the soldiers knew to search this village “for the past days”, if Siegfried had only attacked them yesterday? Or, if soldiers had been searching random villages in general, why is the elder forcing Siegfried to leave? You might argue that he was more afraid of Siegfried being caught, which could be a valid. In that case, though, why would the village agree to harbor them in the first place? The phrasing of the conversation is such that the village is only starting to turn on them because they’ve been searched, which would bring us back to our first issue. Continuity, hackers. Use it.

By flying, of course!

“They probably have a way, don’t worry about it.” - Siegfried 2016

Can we talk about this? I’ve already gone over how much I love this fort plan, but now that there’s a (completely legitimate!) strategical issue, your advice is “don’t worry about it”? Is this fort important to you or not?

Anyway, the map. As I learned by playing, you’re supposed to kill the knight and then visit the center village.

I have a better idea.

See, intially I aimed to place Inanna so she didn’t have to face too many units.

But as it turns out, all the generics are weak as shit, so it doens’t really matter

mlgprostrats

I swear this is on purpose - similar to FE11, the “off by one square” disease is strong. It’s a very minor point, but it makes this map feel a lot longer than it probably actually is.

MISTAKE

Oh. Never mind.

Uhhhhh

CALCULATED

EXECUTE PRO STRATS

Village talks:

“Well, if that annoying knight wasn’t guarding the secret lever, I could put up the bridge for you…
I suppose if you defeat him, come back here and I’ll see what I can do about it.”

This, to me, feels like artificial map-length padding. If you didn’t know beforehand, you waste turns visiting the village. If you did, you completely skip it (or you do what I did).

“I hear someone’s hidden an item on top of that cliff for over a year, and no one’s yet to find it…”

I assume she means this cliff here:

which, again, brings me back to artificial padding. By forcing Inanna south, you can’t use my strategy. However, that just forces you to walk the long way to kill this knight.

Brute forcing maps has never been my style, so I’m not going to bother.

This actually took two rounds (due to a miscalculation on my part), but that gave me the extra turn I needed for Shon to visit the south village and get a torch, so it doesn’t really matter.

let’s get out of here

What? No you havent!

To begin with, your whole schtick so far has been to avoid serious conflicts with Magnus, because you’d get destroyed. You’ve just managed to sack a fort that you know is less defended, and did so (admittedly unknowingly) while slowly being approached by an actual Magnian regimen. I know Fire Emblem is all about taking things with a grander scale than they’re actually at, but this is absurd.

Siegfried just told Corben to leave, which makes this next line seem out of place. Of course, it actually applies to the next scene, but I’d like to just point it out. Another example of poor writing choices.

kinky

kinky

I took this screenshot intending to rant about it, but this is actually better writing than I gave it credit for. It’s basically Exposition: The Conversation, but it does its job without revealing a lot. That doesn’t explain why a soldier that was forced to fight for Magnus would try to escape from Siegfried instead of surrendering, but that’s minor.

Uh… shit?

Silly Inanna, horsemen don’t exist in Elibe GBA Fire Emblem!

Totally not foreshadowing. Tooootally.

That’s all, folks!


#6

[details=
Ch 4: “Tides” of “Greed”]

I’ve never played TLP. I hope you hate me.

I’d bet heterochromatic dude(?) is probably important later, but he buggers off right when we get to the enemy.

“Army”

Night map made of archers, why not put the pegasus knight on point?

Corbenched.

Shuuda benched you, too.

…Bows don’t work like that, Blazer.

I chose her, might as well giver her something to do.

“Oh, I dunno, you could probably ride a flying horse or grow a brain.”

Hah that’s what my parents said to the guys who broke into our house shortly before being murdered in front of my very eyes /edge

Ok.

Funds or funs?

Beep boop staffbot

Scuccicnctcly put, Keivn.

Sadly, you’re safe, or I would’ve fed you to the ballista.

I saved you for nothing.

Yep. I’d rather join the bunch of fools who feel like they have the growths of a gnome.

Style points

Y’know, I’ll take it. Too many trash levels, glad to see something useful.

Aaaand that’s it for my chapter.
[/details]


#7

New rule guys, whenever Roman or Gordon show up: call Blazer a cunt.


#8

Elixir? What elixir? I haven’t even gone yet! And why did you edit your post out of existence?


#9

My bad. I meant Datagne.


#10

foolishly

I needed to regain HP! What else is an elixer for?


#11

tossing


#12

Well, if you had to pick one stat


#13

Good gameplay design:
Giving enemies weapons with significant crit rates, when a) it can easily screw you over; b) at the beginning of the game; and c) when the weapon has 1-2 range so you can’t mitigate its ability to attack.

Blazer, bad. Bad bad bad.

Also bad: The Nomad placement makes it nearly impossible to create a proper feeding setup (which, sure, is my fault)…but even if that wasn’t the issue, their stats are a bit too high for me to actually get rid of all of them without depending entirely upon Siegfried.

Also Kevin’s placement is terrible for this. He should really be a bit farther forward…

The rest of the chapter instead of my complaining highlight

This mage ran upward 100% of the time on the first turn idk why.
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243055692099878915/TLP_06.png

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243059928208637952/TLP_05.png
Inanna!! More stats, please!

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243061231479422977/TLP_07.png
i mean good job but you might not come back D: I don’t know how obiedient to the ruleset others will be (see rule 4)

…but i don’t want to use arthur
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243061378493972480/TLP_08.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243061416779710464/TLP_09.png
WAITNONONNONONOONNONONONO

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243061449512058880/TLP_11.png
Ok phew it was a no-op

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243061659495694336/TLP_12.png
SPEED, Tamiko, so you can dodge more and die less? please?

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243061864332787712/TLP_13.png
This seems like a fine position to be in to end my turn.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243061929013280768/TLP_14.png
NO GET OUT
NO
BAD GREENIES OUT OUT OUT OUT

OOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTT
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243062028883722241/TLP_15.png

Tequila tells me that the greenies don’t steal EXP because the enemy reinforcements down here don’t give any
(What excellent design, why not just NOT HAVE EITHER GROUP ON THE MAP?)

gdi siegfried be just a little less sigurd and a little more jeigan
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243062552219615232/TLP_16.png

This is a good level! Keep it up, Inanna!
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243063272108982272/TLP_17.png

Oh Kevin is safe unit hm.
I should use him some more shouldn’t I… oh well he’s kind of stuck behidn due to how the choke point works, i’ll shuffle him front somehow

Really wish I had a dancer :>

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243064910660108289/TLP_18.png
agogogo

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243065836225429505/TLP_20.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243065839077687296/TLP_19.png
Neat, you two!

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243066297313656832/TLP_21.png
…Yep, I picked the right character
(I picked her entirely because she was the name I liked the most from the part 1 cast)

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243066991592734721/TLP_22.png
GOLD!

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243067215052668929/TLP_24.png
A good level for a not-safe unit. ;;~;;

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243067479830560779/TLP_25.png
And this greenie charges north! D:

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243067916851871745/TLP_27.png
Reavers! I like reavers.

SOMETHING SOMETHING GREENIE WON’T STEAL EXP SOMETHING SOMETHING
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243068401025548288/TLP_28.png

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243068875074174976/TLP_29.png
FINE YOU JERK FINE I’LL LET YOU FIGHT THE BOSS SOME

waht
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243069208601165825/TLP_30.png
this makes no sense
there isn’t even a dialogue line about it
just random talisman for the floor
(it was however necessary because i needed to get to ch5x. why is getting this the requirement for that chapter? ._.)
I only opened the door so I could give Kevin the EXP easier; I could have given him a Javelin because the Shaman attacks in range and thus runs up next to the door…

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243069521651302401/TLP_32.png
This Greenie is getting ready for a DUEL!! and Tamiko just can’t quite catch a break.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243070178689155083/TLP_34.png
This double miss amused me enough for me to screenshot it. Yes, instead of actual chapter gameplay (e.g. the corridor).

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243070530490597377/TLP_36.png
gogo
tami
koko

STOP CHARGING UPWARD, GREENIES
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243070707536232448/TLP_37.png

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243071411390775298/TLP_38.png

GO. GO. BEST UNIT!!!

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243071590403801088/TLP_39.png
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243071646548623360/TLP_40.png
These odds aren’t that good but this is happening anyway

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243071776467189760/TLP_41.png
Dracoshield! Stat booster hoarding time–
Wait; nah. Everything on Inanna!

Yes
GO GREENIE
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/242781622502424578/243071964074344448/TLP_43.png
I’mma have to ks the greenie but hawt
<3

And since I don’t trust that anybody else here has Favors From Anna… Tamiko level–


Good closing level!

And on the subject of closing also I’m actually able to read all the updates right now (browser switch whee):

Bedimal☆Blue [Eli/Wan/2WB]:
cam i hate you
but i guess more accurately
“I hate you because you didn’t get the thing that is a perfect example of why TLP is bad”

Camdar | “who plays FE anyway”:
…the elysian whip?

Bedimal☆Blue [Eli/Wan/2WB]:
yeah
TLP is bad
and that whip is a perfect example of why
If it was, say, something small, it would actually be GOOD
like say a use item that gives +1 HP

Camdar | “who plays FE anyway”:
this seems like a wonderful rant to put into your actual post
(and so it was placed)

Continuing since this is a post proper-- This sort of thing exists in FE4, and while it makes characters feel loved by the designers, it’s arcane what you need to do in order to complete the conditions for things that are arguably essential-- eg. Lex’s Brave Axe.

It’s… a bad design principle to hide REALLY USEFUL THINGS behind TINY ARCANE SECRET because then you have to design with the expectation that the player does not have ANY of the things that you’ve hidden in that way-- but if a player does get them all, then your game suddenly is a lot easier than it was designed for…?

Plus, bonus objectives tend to reward players that are doing well– e.g. the players that need the help the least.

A good example of a bonus objective is in FE8, the Pure Water in the chapter where you recruit Ross and Garcia-- The Pure Water is most useful when you’re rushing ahead into things, and need the bonus resistance; but do not need it for that long because you are capable of gunning through it quickly.

Thus, it gives players doing good a way to rush faster if that is their wont; while also being small enough that players that are struggling don’t need to be TOO worried about missing it (assuming that they know what it is, that is). In contrast, you get a gem (red? I think) and an Elixir from the northern two villages; which are very great things to have-- 2500g and a panic button that should allow you to let a character live another round from even the worst situation as long as they cling through 'till your turn… three times.


#14
Chapter 5x

http://i.imgur.com/kL4ZHDY.png
Unfortunately I need fake Rath for the emblem bow so he can’t be killed off.

http://i.imgur.com/ZxeFr54.png
Did he maybe mean amiss? What even is proofreading.

But something is amiss, something about these mugs just doesn’t feel… right.

http://i.imgur.com/OHNhQO7.png
Much better!

http://i.imgur.com/tIBFBjW.png
I’ll show you a golden spear :wink:

http://i.imgur.com/hjc2S66.png
Well I guess I have to…

http://i.imgur.com/YYs2icr.png
Oh shit hold on.

http://i.imgur.com/kWPilQu.png
Better

http://i.imgur.com/lYKlfYY.png
And the sacrifice has been chosen, RIP arthur.

http://i.imgur.com/83AbrqQ.png
Now that everything that matters is taken, he’s ready.

http://i.imgur.com/nqdacED.png
Arch you just sit there mmkay

http://i.imgur.com/YljL44V.png
You had one job

http://i.imgur.com/KwjnWJI.png
And you already found them, dingus.

http://i.imgur.com/vPiv6E5.png
Kevin pls

http://i.imgur.com/RXtpcMY.png
Your ass is dead when I get you, Tekun. Also why is it playing the EP music from the final map of FE7.
Wtf is this shit Blazer.

http://i.imgur.com/ecQd2Xb.png
Isn’t Kelik’s edge killer enough?

http://i.imgur.com/XIaFaa0.png
You just sit there, I don’t even like pegs.

http://i.imgur.com/4fBzyqZ.png
Oh right. You.

http://i.imgur.com/DmOx422.png
KEVIN PLS

http://i.imgur.com/ogaopmq.png
Arch saves the day

http://i.imgur.com/gixmP0w.png
The sacrifice is ready

http://i.imgur.com/OleyqjE.png
Listen here you little shit

http://i.imgur.com/B8HHiTm.png
A crit will not appease the old ones

http://i.imgur.com/OPu5BYC.png
Better

http://i.imgur.com/AjbV3zk.png
K

http://i.imgur.com/7NAwios.png
Acceptable

http://i.imgur.com/PadplW3.png
Nothing personal, that’s how the RNG do.

http://i.imgur.com/1EmuzWo.png
Good

http://i.imgur.com/qOQbu7u.png

http://i.imgur.com/U35OYhb.png
Blood for the blood god

http://i.imgur.com/MycUqrT.png
Skulls for the skull throne

http://i.imgur.com/VWUQQYQ.png
Khorne for the Khorne flakes

http://i.imgur.com/wNT90WD.png
Too bad you’re not a safe unit

http://i.imgur.com/0VL5HoR.png
Fite me irl nerd

http://i.imgur.com/L73Y8E0.png
And that was basically the entire ending event. K. Whatever.

I don’t have much ranting to do, except for one small thing.

http://i.imgur.com/FLOyqiN.png

Fuck these minis with a cactus. I seriously can’t stand them. Chibis look way better and less lazy.


#15

And so the culling begins…


#16

This update brought to you by Internet Explorer, which can’t handle details tags.


Sark is our battlefield today, I believe.

Better fix that the only way I know how.


Well, then we won’t be unprovoked attackers!


You look different… Eh, he’s probably messing with hair dye.


Oh, right. A wizard did it. This wizard threw in this “danger zone” thing. Dunno what it means.


And this is the source of evil in the area. Defeat them to win the day!

Then I moved people up towards the north.

I had failed twice already, so no animations for a while. Speed, Kevin. SPEED! I see speedwings in your future.

Arch stop being blunt.

Otherwise things like this happen. That’s bad, which is why it’s an outtake and I restarted.


Tamiko, level up stats. Please. Thanks.


Strength and defense are good.


He was stuck between a bunch of enemies, he needed the elixir! Don’t kill me Teq!


Oh, I got this too.


Your men made me reset twice, that’s hardly worthless.


Level from chip, and it’s a good one…


While Arch takes the kill and a very nice level. High growths=good.


"Well, your eyes shake randomly since someone forgot their Usenti grid, your hair turned red, and you’re wearing a mask. I WANT TO SEE YOUR EYES


WHAT KIND OF A NAME IS YURIA, YOU IDIO- oh, it’s Yulia castle. If you flipped that L I’d have went full-on namewank on you. Good thing you didn’t, we’re running pretty high on our bashing quotas!

This episode was brought to you by the Society for Legitmate Playing, where we swear to never use savestates while playing romhacks.

And now for the modedit into details tag.


#17

Face cutouts as minis started when I first did it years and years ago, then flyingace did it with his hack and then Blazer came in and made the trifecta.

Literally nothing of value in this game is original, it’s all copied, given or taken from someone or something else.
This hack is the cancer, literal cancer of the arse. It’s the goopy bits that get left behind if you don’t wash after you jack it.


#18

fortunately we’re not taking it seriously, hence the mug replacements


#20

This is literally amazing. Bless Shon for thinking he is a CHAR.

(if only Eduardo was a safe unit…)


#21

Who needs Eduardo when Kevin puts the team on his back