Alright, 'ere we go then.
Chapter 13 I think I honestly forgot
HOLY SHIT GUYS THIS IS GREAT WE'RE GONNA PLAY SOME CORRUPT THEOCRACY AND MAKE A COOL POST AND IT'S GONNA BE ALL AMAZING AND STUFF OH MY GOD I'M SO EXCITED ARE YOU EXCITED I'M EXCITED AS FUCK LET'S GO-
Well this already looks to be a load of fun.
Anyway I load in our chapter and we're introduced to another round of fucking narration dump by Jake. Apparently he's either bisexual or the redhead capitalist chick is being taken for a ride.
Now THAT'S a plot twist!
NotMerlinus (who is apparently actually just Merlinus), NotRoy and Zigludo talk about some random shit.
Oh and Never Gonna Give You Up is back but this time with the brigand crit screech playing in tune.
Just the way I like it
Aren't you too young for that?
We then get a cut to Big Troy talking to some mooks. Credit where credit's due, that mug actually looks kinda nice. But it's Corrupt Theocracy so it's probably just some obscure NPC with a headband stuck on.
So either somebody decided to get cheeky with the edits or Blademaster got stoned and forgot his shitty hack isn't an FE6 fanfic. I sincerely hope it's the latter.
Then we get Older Erik talking to some mook and bla bla bla and...
You know what let's make this more interesting.
@circleseverywhere Need 30 animations for my hack replysoonplskthx
I have no regrets.
Oh and those were all Dellhonne quotes. I mean ALL of them.
So we hit the prep screen and I chuck out the boring ass notKarel in for the #1 waifu.
Sigurd, right before entering the local BBQ Challenge.
So we finally get to playing and the first thing that happens is this.
Okay so I don't mind having units behind you to create the feeling of being surrounded or whatnot, that fine. But forcing the player to specifically scroll to the right to even SEE them is fucking terrible, especially since I could potentially move all my units left without the screen even moving. I literally only saw these units because I ACCIDENTALLY scrolled to the right. If you're going to have units so close to your army, MAKE SURE THE PLAYER CAN FUCKING SEE THEM.
Okay, I lied there a bit. Technically you can see those units when they're loaded in at the start of the chapter but that way of loading in units is fucking retarded so it doesn't count. This is a dick move.
Anyway we have Troy's little group down here at the bottom.
Batta the Beast, who decided to pick up soldiering as a hobby would probably be okay if this was FE7 but it's CT so anything that doesn't one-shot by giving you a funny look automatically sucks.
The healer's pretty bog standard, will run around handing out free HP but not much aside from that. Considering this game's Vulneraries heal 15HP and have 8 uses she's probably not really needed.
Mary and tHe AbySs' gAzE are okay. Mary has the same Str as Batta but significantly more speed, better Con so she won't get weighed down as much and she's a flier to boot.
I'm going to repost this image, however, because having looked at the units and sizing them up to the enemies there's one glaring fault here.
You have one completely defenseless unit, two good ones and one meh one. There's literally nowhere to hide Lilia without killing the cav and the pegasus knight and then your'e exposing Mary to archer fire because Batta can't really one-shot anyone here. The only way I can see out of here is rescuing Lila with Mary, running right and praying that Troy and Batta don't get murdered but it still sucks. You should have at least a small safe zone for Lila.
And then disregard all of that because Mary missed a ~75% fucking twice.
I decide to take my chances and move Lila up to that house. Lo and behold, it's a recruit! He's so eager to get in on this mess that he doesn't even ask to join. Probably a closet masochist or some shit.
Although with his stats the only thing he'll be getting intimate with is the bench.
And to be honest those aren't even that bad for a level 5 Cavalier but with monsters like Mac and Raptor running around he's basically redundant.
"But wait, Uncle Ross!" I hear you say. "Isn't Raptor canonically dead?" (Or that's what you would be saying if you actually paid attention to the story in this shit, in which case heavens help you.)
Yes, he is. But blow me down and screw me twice if that's ever stopped Blademaster!
So apparently somewhere down the line he fucked up with wiping the 'Lyn Mode' units from your units list because they're all here. Even the younger versions of still-present characters.
This is some real Awakening-tier stuff right here!
Oh and speaking of Awakening the reason I didn't show off any Lucina was because I reloaded the game several times to make edits and forgot to put her on the roster w h o o p s.
Meanwhile Beyard does his thing.
"Sucks to suck" - @Zane 2k[currentyear]
Mary rescues the Lila and gets bolted with arrows. She barely managed to live. Seriously fuck this unit placement.
Oh and because I'm a nice boy I installed the Display Ranges hack! Very convenient, no?
Curiously enough the range tiles are displayed as the red tiles that depict attack range on units. Which meant that at this point I got terribly mixed up.
Why yes, that is a bolting-range Tomahawk in a game with no weapon weight (Not that it would matter anyway, Mac has 20 bloody con). And because there was more or less of an unspoken agreement on not editing game mechanics, I'm fairly certain this was Blademaster. Fuckin' A+ balance right there.
So basically our most OP unit whose only issue up until now was mobility now has about 10 range. gg ez game.
Glitchyjoe does some killing and Batta gets an okay level.
We visit a house and it's just Jake vaguely informing us about a secret later on. If you're going to pull and FE7 and just tell the player about character-specific events at least be precise about it. I don't even know which chapter I should bring the dancer on because he literally just says 'later on'. Urgh.
Yung Dellhonne also nets himself an okay level. Soon he'll be strong enough to make his own animations!
Zigludo, who's been pretty useless this whole chapter, visits a house and gets an Iron Blade. Pretty meh for a chapter at which we already have Silver Lances and shit.
Since I somehow managed to hold out without losing enough at Troy's end and Beyard arrived to help, I decide to visit the shops.
This one has some steel weapons. We're bathing in more money that Scrooge Mc'Fucking Duck so I get one of each.
The other house has some tomes, heals and Vulneraries. I don't think we have a magic user and we have plenty enough Heals and potions. Pass.
The hack suddenly goes full GhebFE.
Oh god Zigludo run you're too innocent for this.
The nuclear fallout from that horror reaches all the way across the map so Mary drinks bleach a potion to heal up.
Glitchyjoe does more more murdering. My chapters seem to always consist of the Brave weapon user storming their way through everyone.
Doggo takes hit points off of the boss with his Uber-Tomahawk.
And Dangelo finishes off!
FE Heroes Voting Gauntlets be like.
So we kill the last couple of stragglers and I start moving Zigludo up to Sieze (Blademaster's spelling, not mine) the castle.
And then this happens.
Not even from the edge of the map. Not even from a fort. Literally just units appear on random tiles from THIN AIR and attack ON THE SAME TURN.
Alternative timeline because I want to plug my meme stash.
Fortunately everyone makes it out alive except for LiterallyMerlinus but noone gives a shit about him anyway.
So then I turn off animations for a bit and move to heal a unit.
The game fucking froze.
I shit you not, I almost had a heart attack followed by an intense desire to throw my computer out of the window. I would need to do that ENTIRE CHAPTER over again if I couldn't fix this, and to make things worse my VBA was acting up so every screenshot was followed by around 5 seconds of painful lag.
Luckily @circleseverywhere recommended that I try to load the savefile from a fresh copy of CT and that worked. Apparently we broke a map animation from too much modding or something. Crists averted. Remember to donate2circles.
Anyawy with that out of my way I return to making my masterpiece.
Yes I am very mature.
And then we seize! With correct spelling this time, too!
Then Zigludo,R̴̸̛͒͑̈͋ͯͨ͌̇̊̓̔ͨͯ̚̕ě̡̢̧̊ͩͮ̎̿͆ͩ͒̾́̈́ͨ͗̀̿͐̈́͞͠b̸̧̃̏̌͐ͤͪͯͮ̔̔̓́͡e̵̢̢͋ͤͭ͗͛̈́̔̓͐̐ͦ̋̚̚͡c̶̽̎ͦͭ͐ͣͬ͋͛̓̓̃͟͞cͫ̓̍͋͐̿̔̾̇ͪ͂̈ͪ̚͞͠a̸̛ͪ̍̋̏̑̈̎̓̋ͧ̋ͫ͒̈́͗͞҉ , OurBoy and random NotLegault talk a bit.
I personally think it was a splendid victory! We inserted ourselves right into the enemy-
Alright let's carry on. Apparently those dudes we fought were our allies but honestly at this point who fucking knows about the plot.
They talk about capturing Dellhonne and Zigludo suggests killing him instead. Provoking this gem of a line from "Larry".
That's right, Dellhonne has fans. What have you accomplished in your life, huh?
Zigludo comes out with the smack talk.
And gets smacked by Rebecca.
With some weird implications about this family tree.
Erm alright then.
What the fuck did you just fucking say to me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Grannvale Military Academy, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Lopto Sect, and I have over 300 confirmed level ups. I am trained in gorilla BBQing and I’m the top Holsety user in the entire Grannvale armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another sword armor. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this continent, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me on a piece of parchment? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of thief fighters across Grannvale and your messenger birds are being tracked right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can rewarp anywhere, anytime, and I can crit you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my civilian skill. Not only am I extensively trained in cavalry combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of major blood holy weapon users and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit Meteor Swords all over you and you will drown in them. You’re fucking dead, dastard.
Credit to @Glacoe for the pasta.
We end the chapter on this note.
But do we really need to? I mean I'd rather not, to be honest.
Super sneaky peek for next chapter.